Saturday 24 August 2019

Love Island 2019: Curtis felt up Maura, Molly's a mouth, and Ovie treated us all to breakfast

Curtis Pritchard and Maura Higgins during the heart race challenge on Love Island
Curtis Pritchard and Maura Higgins during the heart race challenge on Love Island

Sheena McGinley

Oh, Anton, ye big eejit. Next time the producers suggest giving your phone number to the shop assistant "just for bants" as it would "make good telly", don't take it entirely at face value. Otherwise, you'll have Belle's face glowering at you over dinner and her "gangsta" dad plotting your timely demise.

Indeed twitter wasn't best amused with Anton's (alleged) antics, citing SET UP.

Other allegedly "scripted" happenings involved Tommy not knowing what a green bean was, which led Anton to coercing him into the trolly with a lollipop. Afterwards, when they got home, Molly-Mae grilled Tommy about what happened during the annual Villa shopping trip, and Tommy told her about the Anton's generosity regarding his number. Because what would a person with little or no English love more than call a guy with a strong Scottish accent for a chinwag and chill.

Molly being Molly, went straight to Anna and Joanna to dish up her new findings. Tommy obviously felt this in his waters, so he was quick to come clean to Anton who confirmed it was just "banter." However, when Anna continued to test Jordan to see if he'd hang his mate out to dry, she was met with nothing. You're 29, boo.

GETTING TO KNOOOW YOOOU, GETTING TO KNOW AAALLL ABOUT YOUUUUU

To the real news of the night. Curtis certainly rates himself. Yes, he's a goer in the dancing department, but he's got the aura of a 1950's substitute geographer teacher. Despite this, he's already broken one Hart in the Villa, and now he seems intent on rubbing Francesca's nose in it despite her going out on a limb choosing to couple up with him in the first place. To put this into context, even serious political reporters were on board with this...

What did Curtis do? He's been upfront with both Maura and Francesca, informing both he intends getting to know each of them. But there's getting to know someone and there's straddling someone from behind while you lube up your hands and smear them all over their half-naked body. True, he HAS already massaged Tommy, but at least they did that in privacy and not in front of either of their then partners. This latest massage-athon took place on the daybeds in front of everyone.

Suitably disgruntled, Francesca said to Curtis afterwards, “I did find it a little disrespectful. I find that quite full on.” Imagine if she'd heard Maura say "D'yE wANt tA SNEaAaykE InTA My BEd W'eN shE FalLS ASLAAAYp???"

In short: Francesca, he's a professional dancer. They're forever touching each other up.

TONIGHT’S TAKEAWAYS

• Tommy went "shopping for the first time." We'll just leave that with you

• "I dIN KnoWah WHA' a CHiNwAG waS... I T'oUgHT it WaS a DAHnCE"

• Joanna: "I was imagining our kids together... little Louis Vuitton backpack, curly hair"

Michael: "Oh really? Alright, OK... Yeah"

Twitter: "You lost him at Louis Vuitton backpack"

• And as if Ovie needed anymore invites to stay for breakfast...

OVERALL VIBE...

SUNDAY NIIIIIGHTAAAAAH...

Everyone in the UK has voted for their favourite couple – with the exception of the newbies and their respective partners (way to keep Maura and Curtis in the show, producers!) Therefore, expect some dumpage. Smart money is on Joanna and Michael. Well, how else is Amber going to move on (with Ovie)

Love Island continues on Virgin Media Two and ITV2.

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