Saturday 20 January 2018

'Dougal, is there anything on your mind? Let me rephrase that' - Father Ted makes top 10 TV shows' best put-downs

Father Ted
Father Ted
Aoife Kelly

Aoife Kelly

Father Ted has made the list of the top 10 TV show put-downs of all time.

The eminently quotable show, starring the late Dermot Morgan, Frank Kelly, and Ardal O'Hanlon, lands the ninth spot in the poll which was conducted ahead of Blackadder's launch on UKTV Play.

Morgan bags 23 per cent of the overall vote for Father Ted's quip, "Dougal, is there anything on your mind?  Let me rephrase that."

Hitting the number one spot is the classic dig comedian Caroliine Ahearne launched at Debbie McGee on The Mrs Merton Show.

Mrs Merton asked the wife of 80s TV magician Paul Daniels, "But what first, Debbie, attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

Second on the list is Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses whose quote earned 32 per cent of votes; "Dear old granddad, bless him.  He was about as useful as a pair of sunglasses on a bloke with one ear."

Blackadder came in third with Edmund Blackadder's quote, "Your brain, for example is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit."

In fact Blackadder bags four spots on the list.  Other classic British comedies including One Foot in the Grave, Fawlty Towers and Dad's Army also make the list as do Absolutely Fabulous and more recent offerings The IT Crowd and The Inbetweeners.

Two thirds of the people polled believe that most people have mastered one-liner put downs while 80 per cent of TV viewers think humour is more important than aggression in terms of the best put-downs.

Here are the top 25:

1. “But what first, Debbie, attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?”

Mrs Merton to Debbie McGee (The Mrs Merton Show)

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Comedy loses another star: Actress and writer Caroline Aherne passed away yesterday aged 52 after a battle with cancer.

2. “Dear old grandad, bless him. He was about as useful as a pair of sunglasses on a bloke with one ear”

Del Boy (Only Fools and Horses)

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Only fools and horses

3. “Your brain, for example, is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit.”

Edmund Blackadder (Blackadder)

4. “You stupid boy!”

Captain Mainwaring (Dad’s Army)

5. “Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your éclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn’t have time to perm your ears?”

Basil Fawlty (Fawlty Towers)

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The cast of Fawlty Towers, which has been voted the funniest sitcom ever by a group of 100 comics (BBC/PA)

6. “I told her the only thing she looked good in was a body bag”

Patsy Stone (Absolutely Fabulous)

7. “Look at grandad. His brain went years ago, now his legs have gone. There’s only the middle bit of him left!”

Del Boy (Only Fools and Horses)

8. “Don’t talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the whole street.”

Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock)

9. “Dougal, is there anything on your mind? Let me rephrase that”

Father Ted (Father Ted)

10. “He’s the most sensitive person I’ve ever met, and that’s why I love him and why I constantly want to ram his head through a television screen.”

Margaret Meldrew (One Foot in the Grave)

11. “The eyes are open, the mouth moves but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn’t he, Percy?”

Edmund Blackadder (Blackadder)

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Blackadder's Christmas Carol with Rowan Atkinson

12. “Is this hat too far forward?" “No, we can still see your face”

(Norma and Jim on The Royle Family)

13. “One more facelift on this one and she’ll have a beard”

Patsy Stone (Absolutely Fabulous)

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Absolutely Fabulous

14. “Would it be terribly rude to stop listening to you and go and speak to somebody else?”

Alan Partridge ( I’m Alan Partridge )

15. “Right, now; the sort of person we’re looking for is an aggressive drunken lout with the intelligence of a four year old and the sexual sophistication of a donkey”

Edmund Blackadder (Blackadder)

16. “I’m so looking forward to seeing your mother again. When I’m with her, I’m reminded of the virtues of the English”

Dowager Countess Violet Crawley to Lady Cora about her American mother (Downton Abbey)

17. “A few years ago I went to see King Kong at the cinema, now I’m on a date with her”

Will (The Inbetweeners)

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Inbetweeners (Football Friend)

18. “Even when we were babies, I had to show you which bit of your mother was serving the drinks”

Edmund Blackadder (Blackadder)

19. “I can see why she’s divorced, she’s very divorceable. As soon as you meet her you can’t wait to take her to court to get rid of her”

Maurice Moss (IT Crowd)

20. “It’s like hiring a man-eating shark as your children’s swimming instructor”

Victor Meldrew (One Foot in the Grave)

21. “You know, you’re the classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain”

The Doctor (Doctor Who)

22. “I’d love to stop and chat to you, but I’d rather have type 2 diabetes”

Malcolm Tucker (The Thick of It)

23. “I’ve got three words for you: calorie controlled diet”

Nan (The Catherine Tate Show):

24. “He’s bald. Darling, he’s got a comb-over from a nose hair”

Patsy Stone (Absolutely Fabulous)

25. “Lynn’s a good worker, but I suppose she’s a bit like Burt Reynolds. Very reliable, but she’s got a moustache.”

Alan Partridge (I’m Alan Partridge)

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Steve Coogan was presented with a surprise cake at the screening of his one-off special, Alan Partridge's Scissored Isle

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