Monday 22 October 2018

Alannah should not have gone and 8 other things we learned from week 9 of Dancing with the Stars…

Model Alannah Beirne and Vitali Kozmin who were voted out in a dance off with Erin McGregor and Ryan McShane,during the Live show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars.
kobpix
Model Alannah Beirne and Vitali Kozmin who were voted out in a dance off with Erin McGregor and Ryan McShane,during the Live show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars. kobpix
Singer Jake Carter and Karen Byrne during the Live show of RTE's Dancing with the Stars. kobpix

Chris Wasser

It’s week nine on Dancing with the Stars. Week nine, folks. This show is never going to end – and we don’t want it to.

Plus, it was Team Week. Which meant more content, more competition and loads more dancin’. But let’s get real: with the quarter-finals just seven days away, things are beginning to get serious on Ireland’s favourite rockin’, jivin’, smooth and sambalicious, Sunday night show. Ahem. Sorry about that. Maybe we should get Judge Julian to help us with our intros. Anyway, here’s what we learned from tonight’s groovalicious offering…

There’s no joke like a snow joke…

“We made it!” declared host Amanda Byram (for obvious reasons). Her co-host, Nicky Byrne, chipped in. “We skied in!” announced Nicky (for obvious reasons). They went one further. Nicky mentioned bread. We got fake snowflakes on the big screen. And then Amanda topped it all off with a doozy. “Tonight, our stars will have to weather their first team dance!” Ah stop. On another note, how funny would it have been had our hosts descended those shiny steps in snow shoes, whilst decked out in woolly hats and gloves? Answer: very funny.

There are worse jokes than snow jokes…

Did anyone else hear judge Brian Redmond’s awkward one-liner after Rob and Emily’s routine? Right, so, in case you missed it, Rob got stuck under Emily’s dress. A couple of times, actually. And he mentioned it, too (a couple of times, actually). And, well, um, Brian told Rob – and the viewing public – that, er, “there are worse places” to get stuck. Yeah, um…so, I don’t really know what to do with that. I feel awkward even mentioning it. I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘jaysus’. Let’s move on.

Olympic Athlete Robert Heffernan and Emily Barker during the Live show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars
Olympic Athlete Robert Heffernan and Emily Barker during the Live show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars

It may be freezin’ outside…

But Jake Carter is always hot. That’s Nicky’s joke, by the way. There is some truth in it, mind. Jake and Karen’s rockin’ jive was pretty darn good. They melted the ice. They brought the audience to its feet. Judge Loraine was impressed. “A fabulous tribute to the sounds of Bill Haley, and to the moves of Elvis Presley,” said Loraine. “Boy, you can dance,” offered Brian. What a night for Jakey Boy, then. Plus, his famous big brother, Nathan, was in the audience. But he’s our second-favourite Carter now. #TeamJake forever.

Ballyfermot is Jake Carter’s new home…

According to his dance partner, Karen, anyway (she’s from Ballyfermot). Yes, yes, we’re still with the Carter fella. How much does Jake Carter love Ballyfermot? So much, that he abandoned poor Rob Heffernan (his flatmate) on his 40th birthday to hang out (or, rehearse) in Ballyer with Karen. Poor Rob.

Julian’s comments give us life…

Or, something to that effect. Alannah and Vitali’s slick samba was something special (and proof that Alannah should never have been in the dance-off). But getting back to Julian, who described Alannah’s wonderful performance as “A SULTRY, SPICY SAMBA!” What did Julian have to say about Jake Carter? “A JAKE-TASTIC, JUMPIN’ JIVE!” Oh my. When the heck does Julian get time to write these exemplary one-liners? The alliteration. The technique. The delivery. It’s effortless work. He should be writing these reviews. “Are there any words left that he hasn’t used?” wondered Brian. No, Brian. There are none.

Judge Julian Benson during tonight's RTE’s Dancing with the Stars Pic credit: kobpix
Judge Julian Benson during tonight's RTE’s Dancing with the Stars Pic credit: kobpix

The Floor Fillers slayed the Party Rockers…

We’re talking about the team dance-off, where Alannah, Deirdre, Jake (the ‘floor-fillers’) and their partners, danced the competition - the ‘party rockers’, who were still pretty good – off the stage. We’re talkin’ ten marks all round, from each of the judges. It was fun. It brought a little extra magic to proceedings. It showed us who might actually win this thing (see team floor-fillers for clues). We loved it.

Only the best dancers are left…

It’s true. We miss Bernard. It’s not the same without the Marty Party. But let’s face it, this is the cream of the crop right in front of us. And, to paraphrase Mr Brian, boy, can this lot move. The Dancing with the Stars Ireland team – what’s left of it, at least – should go on tour after this. Make it happen.

Model Alannah Beirne and Vitali Kozmin who were voted out in a dance off with Erin McGregor and Ryan McShane,during the Live show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars.
kobpix
Model Alannah Beirne and Vitali Kozmin who were voted out in a dance off with Erin McGregor and Ryan McShane,during the Live show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars. kobpix

Erin McGregor made us cry…

Oh my God. Julian could barely keep it together following Erin and Ryan’s slow waltz (which was stunning, by the way). “It reminded me of my dearest mum,” declared a visibly moved Julian. “You danced magically out there.” And then he fell apart. “You made Julian cry!” shouted Nicky. They made us all cry, Nicky. Oh, Julian. We hugged the telly box.

Alannah didn’t deserve to go home…

Model Alannah Beirne and Vitali Kozmin who were voted out in a dance off with Erin McGregor and Ryan McShane during the Live show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars.
kobpix
Model Alannah Beirne and Vitali Kozmin who were voted out in a dance off with Erin McGregor and Ryan McShane during the Live show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars. kobpix

We’re going to get critical here. And we never get critical here. In fact, we’re usually quite complimentary. Especially when it comes to Nicky Byrne’s wardrobe (he looked as smashin’ as ever tonight). But listen, Alannah should not have gone home. Simple as. She shouldn’t have been in the dance-off. Who might we have placed in the dance-off instead? Probably Rob. But we love Rob, too. Oh no, this is awkward. Good grief, this is getting tough. We’ve only three weeks to go. Things are getting very, very emotional. Just ask Julian.

Read more: 'I found bronzer on my sleeve when I got home' - what it's like being a DWTS audience member

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