Gwyneth enjoyed a West End run in 2002, before she moved on to Goop and being The Most Laughable Celeb Ever If You Exclude Kanye West. "What's Goop?" says you, blissfully unaware of Gwyneth's website, goop.com where she dishes out affordable lifestyle advice, provided you earn $4m per hour. She's a contender for the title of Worst Name You Could Give A Child. Unless you think it's OK to call your daughter Apple. In which case, condolences to your kids, Fartboy and Pimpledog.
Daniel attracted rave reviews on Broadway for his part in The Cripple of Inishmaan. The Yanks love a tragi-comedy set in the wild west of Ireland. You can't imagine them queuing for a play called The Successful IT Manager Of Malahide. "What's it about, buddy?" "It tells the story of isolation and despair in urban Ireland." "Is there some dispute over a piece of land?" "No." "Does he share a cottage with his bitter spinster sister?" "No." "Not interested, buddy."
Caroline was well received at the Abbey in Oliver Goldsmith's She Stoops to Conquer. It is a romp, but not the kind of one where a premiership footballer has drink-fuelled nooky with someone from Made in Chelsea. That's a shame, really. A lot more people would have payed in to see that. She Stoops to Conquer is full of overly polite, awkward misunderstandings. And that's just audience members trying to find their seats after four gin-and-tonics.
David appears in Martin McDonagh's play, The Pillowman. It features a man held in captivity, and tells a story of torture and extreme mental anguish. That sounds like a night at the theatre in Ireland. Says you. We'd never diss the theatre, in case people thought we were thick. The theatre is part of what we are. Over-sentimental, precious and best appreciated after a couple of pints, says you again, with your finger on the pulse.
Kevin is not just a Hollywood star. He is also the artistic director of the Old Vic in London. If you think that is the pub in EastEnders, then, honestly, we salute you. Spacey is the star of House of Cards on Netflix. That's web-based TV, where you can sign up free for a month and learn a very valuable lesson. The lesson being that there is nothing on the internet-based telly either. Yikes. Now you have to talk to your husband. Awkward.