Entertainment

Sunday 15 September 2019

Ref right to show red to 'entitled parents'

Last straw: former ref Avery Krut says he grew to despise many soccer moms (and dads) who had taken the joy out of the sport
Last straw: former ref Avery Krut says he grew to despise many soccer moms (and dads) who had taken the joy out of the sport
Gloves on: Ryan does Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Henry Cavill
Kirsty Blake Knox

Kirsty Blake Knox

Oh my - Avery Krut's farewell letter to the parents of American Youth Soccer Organisation's branch in Beverly Hills pulled no punches.

After years of dealing with helicopter parents, the referee administrator decided enough was enough.

"This will be my last year as your referee administrator, and I will no longer be the game scheduler," he wrote.

"And there's a reason, I have come to despise so many of you, and I hold so many of you in contempt.

"You have said nasty things to and about too many referees, and it must come to an end. I can no longer be involved with so many people who feel so entitled."

According to The Guardian, the last straw came when a mother complained about a referee who wore a post-surgery protective boot.

She worried that he wouldn't keep up with play. "You're taking the fun and joy out of it - because you think your kid is going to be Lionel Messi!" he said.

"I'm done... you're loss."

Mr Krut seems to have been unaware that nothing stirs up latent hostilities and deep-seated insecurities in parents quite like their children's sporting careers.

When I was in primary school, our annual sports day was pitched as a "feel-good afternoon" where "everyone was a winner".

Obviously, this was baloney, but everyone pretended it was true, until one year when the usual race-day judge was replaced at short notice. Our headmaster decided that a certain High Court judge - of impeccable credentials - would be the perfect person to adjudicate the prestigious Egg and Spoon race. A frisson of excitement rippled around the field as parents were informed of this decision - a real-life judge no less! The neighbours would definitely hear about this.

The judge stood by the sidelines, and, when the whistle blew, he cheered enthusiastically.

But it soon became apparent that his interest in the competition had quickly waned. Let's face it, unless you are a parent of one of the competitors, this is a very tedious race.

So, before long, the esteemed judge had wandered over to a group of men standing beside the barbecue stand, and started talking about rugby and such like.

He became so caught up in the conversation, that he missed seeing the first four children past the post.

Naively, he thought this wouldn't be an issue. Perhaps, he took the notion that "everyone's a winner" just a little too literally.

He pointed at one young boy - who had come ninth in the race. "There's our winner!" he said, smiling broadly.

This did not go down well with the parents of those boys and girls who had crossed the line several minutes before the supposed winner.

And the grumblings of discontent became more audible, as the judge randomly pointed at other children and guessed where they'd come.

"You there - you were third" he told one child who hadn't even competed in the race.

Predictably, there were lots of tears, and furious parents who were torn between comforting their children, and screaming abuse at the judge.

Needless to say, he never officiated at our sports day again.

Instead, he confined himself to the High Court, which was clearly a safer place to pass judgment.

Ryan's tight-pants plan is bursting at the seams

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Gloves on: Ryan does Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
 

I'm starting to worry about Ryan Tubridy, and what exactly he plans on wearing next Friday during The Late Late Toy Show.

There had been rumours this year's theme is Disney's The Little Mermaid.

So I had figured Tubs would be taking on the role of either Sebastian the crab or- in an unprecedented piece of gender blind casting - Ursula the Sea Witch.

But our host shut that rumour down, when he told the press that he is opening the show in a pair of skin-tight 'Las Vegas-style' trousers. I don't think you'd find pants like that under the sea.

According to Ryan, the pants have the 'Woah! factor'.

"They're tight [and] if they split, they split," he said. "It's live TV and I've got to roll with that." I'm sorry Ryan, I rate you as a broadcaster but that is definitely not what I'm paying my TV licence for.

Of all The Late Late Toy Show hosts, Ryan is definitely the most enthusiastic presenter.

Uncle Gaybo added a sense of underlying resentment. Pat looked as if he'd prefer to be converting his attic. Gay only wore one jumper and that was more than enough festive fun - thanks very much.

Pat also stuck with the tried-and-tested knitted jumper, but Ryan has more costume changes than Cher at the Monte Carlo Casino.

The costumes he wears can be divided into three categories; traditional, rather odd, and distinctly disturbing.

Playing Bert the chimney sweep from Mary Poppins was traditional. A little predictable perhaps, but not unnerving.

His turn as French candelabra Lumière was more than a little odd. But by far the most disturbing costume was when he re-enacted Dick Van Dyke's rag-doll dance from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

The fusilli pasta style ringlets, the rouge, the thick scouse brows? Frankly, this was the stuff of nightmares - perhaps even scarier than the thought of his pants bursting live on air.

TOPS

Henry Cavill's CGI shave

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Henry Cavill
 

The Justice League star's bushy moustache was CGI'd out of the action film. So badly done it's almost become the film's USP.

Freakebana

The art of hideous flower arranging. Perhaps that's what Ivanka Trump was trying to achieve with her much ridiculed 'Thanksgiving sea clam'.

FLOPS

Winking

Recent poll shows that 28pc of 16-28 year olds consider it sexual. Watch them peepers.

Christmas Crisps

Flavours so far include - champagne, salted caramel, caviar, and candy cane. Relax now.

SAY WHAT?

‘It’s just dawning on me, in Fair City nothing is fair’

Hollywood star Will Ferrell discusses Mondo, Kerri-Ann, and Melanie’s love triangle. 

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