Tuesday 21 November 2017

People are talking... Sienna's ring cycle: off or on?

Raw Sienna: Sienna Miller's ring finger was being closely monitored this week.
Raw Sienna: Sienna Miller's ring finger was being closely monitored this week.
Kim Kardashian - Everywhere. Stop, Kim. You're just a woman with a big bum.
Skimpy kit: Conor McGregor

Julia Molony

It's been a week of playing hide-and-seek with the family jewels in Hollywood. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have their wedding rings back on (despite having announced their divorce). While Sienna Miller's engagement ring is off.

A whole sector of the press were on Sienna ring-watch (which sounds much grubbier than it really was, even if it was pretty grubby) throughout the entirety of the Cannes film festival recently, hoping to read in her erratic ring-wearing habits some sort of Morse code that could speak the truth about the state of her relationship to Tom Sturridge, the father of her two-year-old daughter. Eventually, it was concluded that the romance, like the ring, must be on-again off-again.

But this week, Sienna and her currently naked left ring-finger are reported to be single. The Sun newspaper has been speaking to that now infamous and uniquely well-connected big-mouth A Source, who says that Sienna and her partner of four years, actor Tom Sturridge, have indeed called it a day. "Tom and Sienna split a few weeks ago" said A, who is, incidentally, the same shadowy figure behind every otherwise unsubstantiated celebrity news story since the 1980s. Whether A turns out to speak anything near the truth in this case, remains to be seen.

Having your cake and eating it, Greek-style

The general consensus right now seems to be that Greece finally giving up the good fight and kowtowing to Europe's demands for austerity is bad news for all the socialists and Shinners in Ireland who optimistically hitched their wagon to Syriza's horse.

Why vote for Sinn Fein or People Before Profit, after all, if a similar fate at the hands of those lovely Germans is all we have to look forward to?

On the other hand, it could be that Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras has just given his fellow class-warriors the perfect get-out clause by announcing that he doesn't even believe in this new deal himself, despite urging fellow MPs to vote for it in Wednesday's marathon late-night vote.

Just when you think you've seen and heard it all, politics surprises you. Now the Left has a blank cheque to do whatever the hell it wants while still getting brownie points for opposing it anyway.

They could cut welfare payments in the morning, then join a protest against themselves in the afternoon.

It's the ideal answer to every political problem. "Yes, I was kerb crawling at 2am but I didn't really want to do it, so it doesn't count."

Roisin Shortall must be feeling so silly for quitting the Labour Party a few years ago because she didn't support government policy, before re-emerging last week with the new Social Democrats, when she could have simply gone along with whatever she was told to do while simultaneously rubbishing it all.

What a chump. Doesn't she know that standing by your principles is so last century?

Eilis O'Hanlon

Kim Kardashian's Killer Kover

She's the woman who famously "broke the internet", and now, it's official,  Kim Kardashian has broken our hearts.  No, seriously Kim, our hearts are sore scalded and our collective heads melted because you are everywhere.  Ubiquitous doesn't even cover it … in fact, the word 'Kardashian' should enter the dictionary as an adjective meaning 'beyond ubiquity and super-saturation'. 

Some of us, thicks that we are, thought that the Kardashian wave had finally crested when Caitlyn made the cover of the upmarket and respected Vanity Fair magazine. But no, the wave is a tsunami that just won't stop and now Mrs. Kanye West, a woman who is not a musician, or actor, or artist, or model, or even a lowly RTE telly presenter, a woman who has a big bum basically, has managed to land the slot that has been the absolute holiest of holies for generations of rock musicians - the coveted cover of Rolling Stone magazine.

Sinead O'Connor isn't best pleased and probably speaks for every musician over the age of 30 saying that "music has officially died". But Sinead isn't just speaking for the musos, Kim. No, Ms. O'Connor is speaking for all of us. This is a step too far and now it's official - we've had enough of you, your husband, your Momager, your step-Caitlyn and your whole extended-blended family.

In fact, Kim, at this point we've pretty much taken agin anyone who has a name beginning with the letter 'K'. Sinead wants people to boycott Rolling Stone, but that just isn't enough. It's time to boycott the Kardashians, the Jenners and everyone who uses the letter 'K' in place of a 'C'.

Anne Marie Scanlon

Underpants Over-Rated

You can learn a lot from men in tight clothes. Just look at two Irish sporting legends during the week.

First up, Conor McGregor. His skimpy kit is perfectly in keeping with his look-at-me attitude. Then we had Paul O'Connell. He was all over the media as Ireland launched their body-hugging jersey for the Rugby World Cup. He's the kind of star we always liked in this country. The strong, silent type who doesn't like to parade around in his jocks.

This is a watershed moment for Irish sporting heroes. O'Connell is the old guard. You can almost imagine his speech if Ireland win the Rugby World Cup. "Ah look, things went our way out there today. I was disappointed the way I lost that line-out at the end, when we were leading 57-3." Modest, with a bit of self-deprecation, the kind of thing that has served Irish men well down through the centuries. He'd remind you of your father.

You wouldn't say Conor McGregor is over-burdened with modesty. That's why he's so popular with young men. They can't remember back to 2007, when the sudden crash put Irish people off boasting for a whole generation. There are worrying signs that other sports stars might be following McGregor's lead. Some GAA stars, like Tipp's Padraig Maher, have actually started wearing white boots. That's phenomenal attention-seeking for a hurler, who isn't supposed to do anything more interesting than say 'lookit Marty' when he gets cornered for an interview after a match. So enjoy O'Connell while you can. In the future we could end up as modest as the Dutch. And that's not a great look for us.

Pat Fitzpatrick

The Biebster grows up

We'll never forget that frankly bonkers moment a few years ago when CuttingForBieber became a hashtag, generally accompanied by Twitter pictures of some rather dramatic 'Beliebers' in various stages of self-harm. We say that because the Biebs has now started cupping - that Eastern health fad during which you're left with huge round marks on your back (something to do with energy releasing). And with reading standards for teenagers perilously low, quite frankly anything could happen.

What should happen is that we all see this as a sign that the Biebster has finally grown up. Cupping was, after all, brought to our attention by Gwyneth Paltrow, and if Justin is now into it, perhaps it can't be long until he embraces juice cleanses, an uptight attention to gluten content and a close relationship with kale.

Religious fads and guru devotion can't be far behind - and, in fact, he was in Sydney last week attending a spiritual pilgrimage where he was said to be "building stronger foundations in his life." It's all looking very much like the megastar equivalent of leaving puberty. So perhaps this might be a good time to start calling him by his given first name, to cease referring to his penis as 'Jerry", (as apparently many Beliebers are wont to do), and to all breathe a sigh to relief that, unlike many child stars before him, it's health nonsense and God he's getting into, and not heavy duty drug use.

Donal Lynch

Code red for controversy

There hasn't been a head-scratching government initiative in a while. Frankly we've all missed the angst and nonsense associated with the e-voting machines debacle.

So thanks to Eircode, the new post codes system, we all have something new to moan about. Eircode's got everything an Irish controversy needs to get some traction. The general populace never asked for it, it's not compulsory and will cost €27m.

Random interest groups like courier companies and the Irish language lobby are moaning about it. People are also getting their addresses shifted from one county to another because of glitches.

And it also makes no sense. Dublin gets to keep its D04 postal codes but poor Cork becomes T and Galway gets an inappropriate H. Each code is randomly generated so neighbouring houses have unconnected codes.

I've always felt inferior when asked for a ZIP code online. But I may not get to use my Eircode while online shopping, as some retailers mightn't recognise it!

Then there are the odd codes I've discovered. Several banking inquiry witnesses have IAM SoRe addresses and Niall Horan's Mullingar 1DR 4EVR address is pretty spot on!

Will Hanafin

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