Sunday 25 August 2019

People are talking: J Law's jibes fall flat

Jennifer Lawrence
Jennifer Lawrence
Micheal Martin
Donal Lynch

Donal Lynch

There was a time when comedy was left to comedians, people who were actually funny. But something changed a few years ago. It might have been Graham Norton's fault (who mastered the art of making dull-as-dishwater famous people seem like they were at least in on the joke) but now they literally all think they are the second coming of Lenny Bruce.

Madonna tried her hand at stand-up recently (atrocious as you would expect), Stephen Merchant constantly butted in on the (genuinely hilarious) Amy Schumer on Norton's couch a little while ago, and George Clooney is obviously a wisecracking card (or so we're expected to believe from the sight of everyone falling around laughing when he makes one of his inaudible red carpet gags). The worst offender, however, has to be Jennifer Lawrence (left), who is as funny as sunburn.

Someone (possibly Amy) convinced her she's as hilarious as she is pretty so this week she and Chris Pratt, while promoting their new movie, "roasted" each other. "I really loved you in Everwood, said no one ever," J Law jibed (pantomime oooooh). Pratt 'quipped' that she should win an Oscar for worst actress as well as best actress. Seeing actors this gorgeous make a gag brings to mind the image of a dog walking on its hind legs. It's not done well but you're surprised it's done at all.

What are we like? Just ask Google

Pat Fitzpatrick

This was a good week to assess the state of the nation, as Google released the most-searched terms in Ireland during 2016. So, what’s on our minds? Mainly soccer and Pokemon Go, as it turns out.  One features people across the globe, chasing after something for no obvious reason. And the other is Pokemon Go, says you, dying for a world without soccer. Either way, it’s clear we’re a light-hearted bunch. The most popular ‘serious’ search was Donald Trump at number five. But in fairness, the rise of Donald is more like an alien invasion disaster movie than an actual news item.

If the search list tells us anything about Ireland, it’s that we’re not exactly interested in local politics. Even though 2016 saw a general election here, no local politician was Googled more than Fidel Castro (those searches might have come from the Aras, in fairness). But the message is clear for Enda, Micheal, Gerry and all the others. Sorry guys, but we’re just not that into you.

Shivering politicians given the cold shoulder 

Eilis O'Hanlon

Micheal Martin

Oh, the weather outside is frightful — and apparently it’s not much warmer in the Dail either. That’s according to Fianna Fail leader Micheal Martin, who was heard to moan last week that it’s “extraordinarily cold and chilly in the chamber”.

Immediately, sarcastic comments began to pour in from less-than-sympathetic voters, with multiple references to the “hot air” produced by politicians.

Ho ho... no.

It’s touching that Martin (above) thought the people of Ireland would be so worried about the chilly extremities of TDs that they’d immediately march on Leinster House and demand that someone turn up the heating.

Set fire to it with flaming brands, maybe. But that probably wasn’t the sort of warmth the FF leader had in mind.

It does make you wonder, though. If it’s so cold in the Dail chamber, how does Mick Wallace cope in only his shirt sleeves?

Must be all that perpetual indignation keeping him warm.

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