Saturday 20 January 2018

People are talking: C'mon, Vogue, let your body move

Vogue Williams. Photo: Steve Humpreys
Vogue Williams. Photo: Steve Humpreys
Pope John Paul II in Knock in 1979
Donal Lynch

Donal Lynch

We've been gradually getting more and more excited about the possible advent of an Irish Dancing With The Stars sometime in the near future. But over the last few weeks the tension has become unbearable as rumour and hype have combined to produce almost unbearable levels of anticipation.

First there was the producer's fantastical claim that "there's nobody desperate in Irish TV", which seemed to suggest that there will also be a strong comedy element to go with the sequins and pirouettes.

Then, just in time for Halloween, it was reported that none other than Alan Shatter may be thinking of taking part. Of course this may involve the former Justice Minister assuming his human form and dropping it like it's hot - but if he can do steamy sex scenes in his writing he can surely deliver a bit of dirty dancing.

The hosting situation is not official yet either but Brian Dowling and Vogue Williams (left) have both been mentioned as in the running.

Which suggests that producers would either prefer a stunningly beautiful and distinctively feminine Emcee - or they'd settle for Vogue.

Some top festival tips for the Pope’s gigs

Pat Fitzpatrick

Dear the Vatican, We’re delighted to hear the Pope might be visiting Ireland in 2018.

Don’t worry that there wasn’t much fuss here this week when we heard the news. Unfortunately, it clashed with the release of tickets for Take That! next year — and people still go mad for them.

Things have changed since your guy JPII rocked us all in the summer of 1979. Big events won’t work these days unless you have side stages and hipsters selling noodles for a tenner.

You should also consider having a spirituality tent. These things are a bit like Mass, except they attract people aged under 70. The good news is these tents are reviving interest in spirituality among younger people. The bad news is you are not allowed to have a collection. So maybe think about a sponsor or media partner there.

The only issue left is a venue. Some sneery liberals say you’d struggle to fill Dalymount Park. They said the same thing about Garth Brooks a few years ago. So think big and go for three nights in Croke Park.

Pope John Paul II in Knock in 1979

It was the summer of 1979

How to stop all the strikes in one easy step

Eilis O'Hanlon

First it was the bus drivers. Then the guards. Last week teachers walked out too.

If Ireland was a prisoner in the dock, we’d now be locked up permanently under the “three strikes and you’re out” rule.

There’s only one possible way to save the country from the looming winter of discontent, and that is for the Government to offer every single worker the exact same deal that the TDs get. In other words, we should all have the chance to vote on our own pay rises, and to pocket very generous travel expenses to ferry us to and from work. We should also have access to cheap booze round the clock, and subsidised meals, and gold- plated pensions, and more freebies than the Queen. This week, TDs even voted on whether they should have a mid-term break. Fearing a public revolt, they decided against it — but you could see in their eyes that they really wanted to say yes.

Just give other workers what politicians enjoy and there’d be no industrial action ever again.

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