Thursday 19 July 2018

People are talking: Clooney's money fight

Amal and George Clooney
Amal and George Clooney
Donal Lynch

Donal Lynch

It used to be so simple to be a political celebrity (not to be confused with an actual politician) in America. You just cosied up to the Democrats, whose voters are still young enough to go to movies and buy your music, and slagged off the Republicans. Charlton Heston aside, it's a system that's worked well for generations.

But this election is complicated for Hollywood luvvies. They've spent the best part of two decades pining for the Clintons but then 2016 rolls around and the young and cool love Bernie. The strangeness of this new celebrity-support schism was laid bare this week as George Clooney and Amal, left, had the bewildering experience of having their Clinton fundraiser picketed, and watching Bernie supporters throw dollar bills at Hillz's convoy.

It can only have stiffened George and Amal's resolve to support the former first lady. Because if Bernie's supporters knew anything, they'd have thrown hundred dollar bills, not one dollar bills. Only the comforting thud of a wad of Benjamins would have stopped Hillary on her way to Clooney heights, where each couple paid an average of $353k to attend. That's chump change for George and Amal of course. And when Hillary does win/buy the presidency he'll be guaranteed a pardon for Batman & Robin.

Call up Keano to run the country

Eilis O'Hanlon

Never have so many been paid so much for doing so little. So might Winston Churchill have quipped had he witnessed the scenes in the Dail right now as TDs continue to meet each week in order to not elect a Taoiseach.

Not electing a Taoiseach has become their main line of business, closely followed by not doing what they were sent there to do, and not appearing to give a monkey's about it either way as the days and weeks drag on.

Thankfully, a solution is at hand. Roy Keane will apparently be looking for a new job after Euro 2016 this summer. Why not make him leader of the 32nd Dail if the position still hasn't been filled by then? (And let's face it, that's looking increasingly likely).

At least Keano would get things done, mainly because everybody would be too scared to say no to him. If not, we could end up facing the worst case scenario. No, not another election. A far more alarming prospect is that of President Higgins opting to dissolve the Dail and run the country himself. We couldn't take that much compulsory poetry.

Joey from Friends is good for business, just don't mention the summer

Pat Fitzpatrick

It's official. Ireland would be the nicest place in all the world. If it wasn't for the film and TV crews clogging up our tourist hotspots. Spring arrived this week and reminded us that this place isn't so bad, as long as you can actually see it. We revelled in the smells and sounds of spring, like fake tan and people saying, "Isn't she a bit old for those shorts?" We started talking about 'getting a summer' in hushed tones, in case we jinx it.

The problem is this. Even if we do get a summer, we might have to battle our way to the beach along with half of the western world. Because Ireland is so hot right now. Top Gear arrived in Kerry last week, along with Chris Evans and Joey from Friends. Judging by the stunning photos of the Dingle Peninsula they posted on social media, it's pretty obvious the two of them are working for the Kerry Tourist Board.

The Star Wars people announced that they will be using locations in Kerry, Donegal and West Cork for the next episode. And with Game of Thrones back on our screens, there will be no shortage of fans across the globe saying that place looks nice. So stick that rusty old B&B sign back up outside your house. And try not to mention the nice summer we might not get.

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