Sunday 25 February 2018

People are talking: An endangered species

Reuniting: supermodels Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington and Naomi Campbell
Reuniting: supermodels Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington and Naomi Campbell
Donal Lynch

Donal Lynch

There was something slightly disconcerting about the 1990s supermodels Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington and Naomi Campbell reuniting - naked, of course - for another 'let's raise awareness' campaign (African elephants, natch). Disconcerting, because while the rest of us have simultaneously inflated and shrivelled since the models' heyday, they still look exactly the same.

All three have done some kind of deal with the devil and/or have a painting of themselves in the attic and what was once aspirational now comes across as a bit of a joke at our expense. It's easy to see the buzzwords of the campaign, gawp at the ageless beauties and sort of feel your own awareness rising that you now look like an elephant by comparison.

They are also a reminder that the real endangered creature is the supermodel. These days it's hard to name a catwalk goddess who is approaching household name status, but these three were as big as popstars, to the point that actual popstars like George Michael got out of the way and let them do their thing in music videos. Now, unless models have an interesting drug habit or boyfriend, they're just generic beauties. And we allow real people (airbrushed to within an inch of their lives) on magazine covers. Maybe this reunion is a sign the supermodel needs to be revived, introduced back into the wild. Let's raise awareness of that.

Get set for the great British take over

Eilis O'Hanlon

As if Ireland doesn’t have enough problems, now it seems that Nigel Farage might soon be on his way over to persuade us all to vote to leave the EU.

And to be fair, there were plenty of Irish politicians heading in the opposite direction before June’s referendum to urge the Brits not to embrace Brexit, so the Ukip leader has every right to come to Dublin if he wants.

The way things are going, though, he might not need to bother. Government TDs are sounding more like Tory Eurosceptics every day. One Irish senator has already suggested Ireland should rejoin the Commonwealth.

Fianna Fail is even planning to run candidates in Northern Ireland. At this rate, they’ll be taking up seats in the House of Commons next.

Maybe, as the culmination of the centenary of the Rising, the country will actually apply to rejoin Great Britain.

That’ll be fun, if only to see the look on Gerry Adams’s face. “Yes, Gerry, Ireland has indeed been reunited. Unfortunately, it’s been reunited under British rule.”

Ikea on Leeside? This means Corkxit, like.

There was only word on Cork lips this week (other than ‘like’). And that word was Ikea. Because there is talk they are setting up shop on Leeside. There hasn’t been this much excitement about Swedes coming since the release of the album Abba Arrival. (Remember, they were in a helicopter.)

An Ikea arrival removes one of the great Cork gripes. (Soon they’ll be down to their last one hundred.) Listen in to any Cork reg car on the M50 and you are guaranteed to hear, “This is a shagging disgrace, driving all the way up here to buy a trendy bookcase and four towels. It’s not like we’re from Limerick.” A few more routes from Cork Airport, coupled with the new concert venue in town and suddenly there won’t be any reason for a trip to Dublin. (Certainly not for an All-Ireland final. Try not to mention that down south.) You can see where this is going. Corkxit. The Lord Mayor of the city is on record as saying the lion’s share of the Apple tax money should come to Cork. Why not secede and keep it all? What’s the point of Dublin if Cork people can just drive down the road for their clever storage devices? Who knows, with all that Apple cash, they might even be able to afford a second plate of the meatballs.

The Bake Off is crumbling

Anne Marie Scanlon

The soggy bottom fell out of baked goods aficionados’ worlds this week when it was announced that perennial BBC favourite The Great British Bake Off would be moving to Channel 4. 

Over 15 million viewers tuned in for last season’s final and judging from the public outcry, this news had fallen as flat as a misjudged soufflé. 

Presenters and full-time innuendo-machines Mel and Sue announced that they would not be going to Channel 4 and speculation was rife about the intentions of judges Paul Hollywood and St Mary Berry. 

Ubiquitous celebrity chef Jamie Oliver has thrown his chef hat into the ring for the presenter gig on the Channel 4 Bake Off.  (Of course he has.)

Odd though, as Jamie of all people should know, you don’t mess with a successful recipe by taking away vital ingredients.

Four words, Jamie: Top Gear. Chris Evans.

What’s up with Mary Jane?

Emily Hourican

On Wednesday, Dublin played host to the Global Medical Cannabis summit. Despite the best efforts of a shop selling doughnuts with ‘weed’ written on them, this was a commendably serious and sober affair. After all, are politicians really likely to be persuaded by Miley Cyrus calling pot “the best drug on earth,” while wearing a high-cut leotard embroidered with sparkly marijuana leaves? Or Rihanna posting pictures of herself wearing nothing but a bikini and holding a smoke? Or Hugh Heffner claiming that smoking “helped put [him] in touch with the realm of the senses” (an image from which all sane folks run screaming)? Even our home-grown hash hero,

Luke ‘Ming’ Flanagan, understood the optics, going from woolly jumpers to tailored suits before disappearing to Europe, where it’s all about fleshpots, not smoking pot.

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