People are Talking: Natalie Imbruglia might go digital for love
Natalie Imbruglia has revealed that she's considering going on Tinder to find a boyfriend.
Back home in Australia to promote her new album, she told two radio hosts that she's "so single!" and went on to explain that her search for love may be going digital. 'My girlfriend in London has fallen madly in love on her third Tinder date, and I'm incredibly jealous", she said. At which all the single men in London went off to pimp their profile pictures, and tweak their details to include recently discovered passions for Johnny English and 90's pop music.
She wouldn't be the first celeb to use the app, apparently. Tinder recently introduced a verification function similar to Twitter so stars can confirm their identity online. Just in case they are up for attracting 20 million stalkers and gawkers, all vying for the chance to boast on Facebook that they boned a B-lister they met on the internet. Isn't modern technology wonderful?
But Natalie presumably won't be needing celebrity verification. Tinder users are already on high alert for the profile of a familiar face. In the absence of a photo, tell-tale details include anyone who lists their interests as singing, acting, and Australian soaps, looking for an eligible guy who isn't daunted by the prospect of going on dates accompanied by the paparazzi.
Charity. It shouldn't be a 'song and dance' act
I DON'T like a great song and dance being made to encourage people to donate to charity. I shouldn't have to dress up as an Aardvark and run a half marathon for you to give money to war-torn families in Sudan. Also, if I want to dress-up as an Aardvark, I should just go ahead and do it, which I might just do.
Then again, people dressing-up as horse's arses and cycling 50km, or growing moustaches that make them look like 70s porn stars does raise an awful lot of money for good causes, so I can't complain too much. Or can I?
Last week, I read that Peter Lynagh, a 33-year-old Armagh men, gave up sex for a year for charity. I had almost ground my teeth to the gum by the time had I finished reading it.
First, being celibate for charity isn't a novel idea, hasn't Lynagh heard of the Sisters of Charity? I mean, it's hardly as if he's cycling a penny farthing to the North Pole. Second, soldiers keep their proverbial powder dry for up to eight months while being shot at in Afghanistan, Lynagh did it while watching telly on his couch.
Third, Lynagh is a self-confessed 'player' whose friend Marty said he wouldn't last a week. All of which is to say, 'I used to be a douche bag, now I'm not, so give me money for charity.' Fourth, he's hardly 80s Richard Gere, so it's not like woman kind are going to notice his sacrifice too much.
Finally, and what I hate the most, Lynagh raised €34,000 for charity, which means as much as I want to hate him and his patently faux-attempt at humility, I can't.
Sleeping Your Way To The Middle
It's been another confusing year for women and career advice. First there was Sheryl Sandberg and her Leaning In, which made us think of inappropriate moves against the photocopier, but in fact had something to do with not using kids as an excuse for working your ass off.
Then came posh house-hunter Kirstie Allsopp and her now-infamous 'forget about college and get up the duff asap' edict, which somehow didn't sound as "passionately feminist" as she thought it was and might work when your dad is a baron like Kirstie's but everyone else could probably use an education. So leave it to Lana Del Rey, last week, to finally speak some career-related sense that everyone can relate to, in the discussion of her song F***ed My Way To The Top.
The 27-year-old pop princess openly admits that she has slept with a lot of people in the record industry but only lamented that none of them had been involved in getting her a record deal. Now, of course, if this were a guy he would have just taken the sex and considered himself lucky for that but, as Lana is a gorgeous girl, it's assumed - by her as well it would seem - that there should have been more in it for her.
And there is nothing worse than sleeping your way to the middle. Or heaven forfend, getting by on talent alone and keeping your sex life for your enjoyment of, um, sex. As Kathy Griffin once observed, to get ahead in this life you want to be f**king the owner of the restaurant, not the bus boy.
Lana may have come up with the most useful career-related discussion of the whole lot. And, as a bonus, she probably did a lot of leaning.
Clare and Mick's double act
No one really knows if the US military is transporting weapons through Shannon Airport, because they're not likely to 'fess up if they are and it would be a bit rude to ask them for proof.
It's also unlikely that the best way of finding out what the US army's up to is to have a couple of TDs sneaking up to the nearest plane for a look. Still, it's hard to feel cross with Clare Daly and Mick Wallace for giving it a go last week. It might have been a bit show-offy but you have to admit the pair do sound like quite good fun. That's more than you can say for most politicians, who generally decide to skip youthful rebellion altogether and head straight to middle-aged conformity, as anyone who's ever been to a Young Fine Gael disco can attest.
Mick and Clare are turning into one of the great double acts of our time. In fact, it wouldn't be a surprise if they decided to go on the road as a Laurel and Hardy tribute act, and bring a live performance of thier unique brand of slapstick humour to the whole country.
Coming soon to a parish hall near you.
Sorry about that, Yanks
Ireland was jolly all week. We had soaring temperatures, a ladies soccer team beating all expectations and hardly any politics. What's not to like? Well, a few things if you were paying attention. These were events straight out of the bible, suggesting that we were being punished for something. It had the feeling of a horror movie. The only thing missing was a giant shark.
First of all there was the fog. You were nobody on Twitter this week if you didn't tweet a photo of the Poolbeg Stacks looming weirdly out of the Dublin Bay fog. It was also an excellent way of showing that you live in Dublin 4. The next horror was a litany of tales about seagulls harassing people on the East Coast. We haven't seen this level of angry birds since Twink and Linda Martin had their falling out. The third sign that something wasn't right was, of course, a river full of dead fish in the Tolka. But fog, crazy gulls and dead fish had nothing on the greatest horror we endured this week. The sight of semi-naked Irish people when the temperatures went above 20 degrees. Ahhh, me eyes.
You'd wonder what we have done to deserve these biblical punishments. It's then that you notice a cafe in Co Kerry banned loud Americans. And two of our elected representatives 'inspected' an American military aircraft in Shannon. Could it be that we are being punished by God for upsetting his good friends, the Yanks? Look on the bright side. At least we didn't show disrespect to one of their leading country and western music stars. That could have been a real disaster.
Roy and Martin's Laugh-In
It's a little known fact that we've hired a well oiled comedy duo to manage our international soccer team.
There were some hopes that when Martin O'Neill and Roy Keane took over the reins, we might win the odd game. But unfortunately, most of the action is off the pitch as they've slowly morphed into a Morecambe and Wise style combo!
Roy and Martin's Laugh-In was in full flight this week with one liners galore at a radio show event. Here's Martin O'Neill on his old boss Brian Clough: "Brian Clough once said I was arrogant without anything to be arrogant about."
And this is what he said about ex-player Robbie Savage: "I once told Robbie, your game is missing just one thing and that's ability." See a pattern here!
Roy wasn't to be outdone, with a gag about missing the World Cup with ITV: "As we all know it's not the first World Cup I've missed out on, it had nothing to do with the facilities."
Unfortunately the biggest joke will be when we play World Cup holders Germany in a few months!