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Thursday 18 January 2018

Sex and the fair city: What would it be like if Carrie and co set up shop in Ireland?

As 'Sex and the City 3' movie rumours gain momentum, our reporter pitches Ireland as a possible set location

Screen stars: Charlotte, Carrie, Miranda and Samantha may be hitting our screens as the 'Sex and the City' foursome once again
Screen stars: Charlotte, Carrie, Miranda and Samantha may be hitting our screens as the 'Sex and the City' foursome once again

Tanya Sweeney

There was a groan heard around the world earlier this week when Sarah Jessica Parker dropped a tantalising (and possibly horrifying) hint that Carrie Bradshaw and her band of merry Manhattanites could be making a comeback.

In an interview, Sarah Jessica Parker noted that she and her fellow ladies — Kristin Davis (Charlotte), Kim Cattrall (Samantha) and Cynthia Nixon (Miranda) — haven’t ruled out the possibility of dusting off those slightly frivolous costumes for yet another airing,

“I don’t think any of us have said no,” she said. “I don’t know whether it’s a series or the movie. I think that remains an open question and discussion that will continue until it has been resolved.”

For her part, Cattrall has commented that jumping back into Sam Jones’s britches “could be fun”.

Opinion on the prospect is squarely divided among hardcore ‘SATC’ fans: while some can’t get enough of Carrie and co’s escapades, others are sorely aware of the film franchise’s curious case of diminishing returns.

While ‘Sex and the City: The Movie’ was seen as barely a patch on its small screen forebear, ‘Sex and the City 2’ — in which the quartet hotfooted it to Abu Dhabi in a flurry of saucy double entendres — was panned by critics.

“It is 146 minutes long, which means that I entered the theatre in the bloom of youth and emerged with a family of field mice living in my long, white moustache,” wrote one critic at the time. “This is an entirely inappropriate length for what is essentially a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls.”

Suffice to say that when it comes to a third movie, the stakes are higher than Carrie’s Manolos.

Yet if they’re looking for a backdrop as an alternative to Abu Dhabi, Brooklyn or the Upper East Side, they could do worse than set the action in Ireland. And when it comes to thinking up the whys and wherefores of a third outing, we’ve done the heavy lifting so they don’t have to…

The Plot

Roz Purcell at The Pride of Ireland Awards 2016

How to extricate our fashion-loving foursome from New York in the first place? A press junket saw them decamp to the Middle East last time, but perhaps this time the drama should be a little closer to home? Carrie’s husband Big was always referred to as “the next Donald Trump” in Candace Bushnell’s book, so perhaps for ‘Sex and the Fair City’, he bought a golf course in the west of Ireland (‘Big Golf Links’) and he has now gotten a bad dose of the NAMAs and has to come to Ireland to salvage his investment, and that lovely walk-in wardrobe he built for Carrie.

It wouldn’t be a ‘Sex and the City’ event without one of Carrie’s exes showing up out of the blue and causing a kerfuffle. This time around, Aiden is MIA, but Berger (remember him?) has finally found literary fame and has paid off his debts with an IMPAC award win. He suddenly looks a whole lot nicer and sexier in Carrie’s eyes (what Post-it note?), and now that he’s no longer the unsuccessful one, Berger is no longer threatened or irritated by Carrie. Uh oh.

The pair bond over literary chat (Yeats, Beckett, Cecelia Ahern), and before Carrie can say “Jimmy Choos”, she has kissed him right in the middle of a snug in the Stag’s Head. But as it turns out, Big is not particularly fazed by this indiscretion.

Turns out that he is the man behind a wildly popular Miss Universe-style pageant, and that one of his old Irish entrants is a rather beautiful Tipperary lass called… Rosie Purcell. The pair hit it off under the stars at the Marker rooftop hotel, and thus — finally — ends the saga of Carrie and Big.

Because she is a very hard-working lawyer and mother, Miranda can’t really take two trips off just for holidays with the girls within five years now, can she? Steve’s mother — a staunch Irish Catholic who you may recall insisted that Miranda baptise her son Brady — has died, and as a last wish, wanted to be buried under Irish soil. Cue the entire Hobbs-Brady family deciding to go to Ireland to fulfil her wishes. That Carrie will also be there with beleaguered Big is a mere boon for Miranda, who will still work on her latest case from the wilds of Ireland, via Skype.

As for Charlotte — well, there was always her gorgeously curvy Irish nanny Erin Go Bra-less. It transpires that Charlotte is more clever and intuitive than any of us gave her credit for, and she correctly predicted that her husband Harry would run off with the nanny. Will she come to Ireland to exact revenge on Erin, or merely to investigate Harry’s new squeeze? We’ll work it out in the third act.

Lo and behold, Stanford and Anthony are now ready to become parents, and have found themselves a surrogate mother in the Midlands. And they’d like to be there for the birth of their child, so… road trip, anyone?

Samantha, meanwhile, has been watching an awful lot of Michael Fassbender movies. And she likes how they, eh, grow them in Kerry. So that’s a no-brainer. On her travels through the west of Ireland, she meets an S&M enthusiast in deepest, darkest Sligo. Any excuse to get a PaddyWHACKery gag in.

The Costumes

JH AW16 14.jpg
Joanne Hynes for Dunnes Stores

So far, costume designer Patricia Field has kept schtum about whether she’d pick up the sewing kit again for a third instalment, but there’s no shortage of homegrown talent who can dress the women in her stead. Joanne Hynes could well be the woman for the job: her latest collection for Dunnes Stores features a pink reversible shearling coat, purses with rabbit motifs and tops embellished with Perspex.

Suffice to say that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda would all be in safe hands here. And if all else fails, we can put them in that most modish and current of garments: a Repeal jumper.

The Cultural Nods

Samantha has ditched HRT for Guinness

‘SATC’ fans will no doubt recall that Samantha came up against some hairy moments in conservative Abu Dhabi, but this time around, she will be a much better cultural fit, and could even find her spiritual home in Ireland. She’s ditched the HRT for Guinness, and the yams for fresh country air. Charlotte will find it harder to find her groove in Ireland: it’s hard to find both a good kosher restaurant and a decent Cosmopolitan, and her search for her love rival will be greatly hampered by this.

The Locations

sn Downpatrick He.jpg
The sea stack at Downpatrick Head, one of the many spectacular places to visit on the Wild Atlantic Way

Donegal could work out to be a rather fortuitous location as Sarah Jessica Parker already has a home in Kilcar (that would save on at least one humongous on-set trailer). Expect plenty of windswept shots on the Wild Atlantic way, with each of our four heroines resplendent in turbans, culottes and tuxedos all made of Aran jumpers.

The Talent

Michael Fassbender. GETTY

What homegrown talent can play Samantha’s kinky love interest? On the back of his ‘Fifty Shades’ experience, Jamie Dornan wouldn’t have to do too much research or training for the role (and is clearly not all that fazed about starring in wallet-busting cinematic turkeys). Perhaps Michael Fassbender could do a cameo, because Fassy and Samantha Jones is the cinematic moment we’d gladly pay full admission price to see.

Irish Independent

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