Saturday 24 February 2018

Kirsty at large: Defending 'Vogue' - the Helen Harris III of magazines

Rose Byrne as Helen Harris in Bridesmaids
Rose Byrne as Helen Harris in Bridesmaids
Colette Fitzpatrick and Pat Kenny
Kim Kardashian
Jim Corr
Kirsty Blake Knox

Kirsty Blake Knox

People really love to hate on Vogue magazine.

It's the publishing equivalent of Bridesmaids alpha bitch Helen Harris III, played by Rose Byrne.

Popular with perfect nails, a perfect blow dry and an annual membership to a country club. All topped off with an air of insouciant superiority.

This week, exactly 100 years after its first ever issue was printed, British Vogue launched its "real" issue filled with "real" people.

What constitutes "real" is a moveable feast. When Dove used the term in its 2004 Real Beauty ad campaign it meant "any woman over a size 14". In Vogue, it usually means anyone who has inherited a trust fund or a title. Or both.

Anyhoooooo, people got very angry with Vogue's proclamation of "real-ness".

"Is cover star and Hollywood actress Emily Blunt really a 'real woman'?" seemed to be the general thrust of the argument. Answer: yes, she is.

And, inevitably, that boring old argument about Vogue promoting unrealistic body image cropped up.

The inference being that Vogue is in some way responsible for every single case of anorexia nervosa ever recorded.

It is so reductive to suggest an eating disorder can be contracted from the pages of a magazine. Eating disorders are much more complex than that. Others questioned if anyone who worked on 'Planet Vogue' had a foot hold in reality.

No, dummy - it's Vogue. We are talking about a publication that once encouraged on-the-go gals to tackle hunger pangs by "knotting an Hermes scarf into a makeshift shopper and audaciously filling it with sweet pastries".

A Hermes scarf costs in the region of €400 FYI.

One online site described Vogue's use of "realness" as the desperate move "of a magazine that teeters on the cusp of irrelevancy".

Hate to break it to you, but Vogue is relevant.

In the last month, both UK and US Vogue have been the subject of international news stories.

Last week, everyone was up in arms when the editors of American Vogue suggested that bloggers are scroungers (note: a lot of them are). There was hell to pay.

No other glossy magazine generates that sort of conversation.

Can you remember the last time an issue of Elle made global headlines? Didn't think so.

'It's like Ikea exploded' - Pat's studio set gaffe

Colette Fitzpatrick and Pat Kenny

Fledgling TV shows always encounter a few hiccups along the way.

This week, Pat Kenny and Colette Fitzpatrick (above) launched their new TV3 series, Pat Kenny Tonight.

The show opened with an earnest Kenny brandishing a potato at the audience, asking them to name their price. Viewers were also encouraged to tweet their opinions to an unrelated twitter account, @pktonight. In case you're not familiar with @pktonight, the account regularly tweets listicles about beer and underpants. It also shares tips on kissing techniques... Oops. Earlier in the week, there had also been a moment of embarrassment when reporters traipsed to Ballymount for a tour of the new set. Unfortunately, interviews ran over.

Disgruntled journalists finally embarked on a stroll around the set. When the hacks wandered in, they found the crew had begun to dismantle the set.

"It looks like Ikea has exploded in here," one noted.

"Is this the HD studio?" another asked. Hopefully next week things will run more smoothly.

Lizard overlords, Tay-Tay pay back and Kim's blingtastic rocks

Kim Kardashian

After my initial shock had worn off about Kim Kardashian's squillion dollar diamond theft, my mind began to wander and I asked myself that age-old question; what would Jim Corr, below, make of all this?

Jim Corr

Whenever a matter of global importance occurs - and let there be no doubt this is a matter of global importance - the conspiracy theorists are the most fascinating people to listen to.

With their tin-foil hats firmly in place, they weigh into debates full of bamboozling and bountiful insight that has passed the rest of us by.

And there have been plenty of Kardashian theories flying around this week.

People have suggested all of the following: it was a publicity stunt; it was an insurance scam; it was an elaborate ploy to boost ratings for Keeping Up With the Kardashians; it was the Russians. There's more: it was Taylor Swift's pay back; the thieves just wanted access to her phone book; Kim was really robbed by a group of cats hiding under a trench coat; it was in protest against celebrity culture.

But wait, there's still more: it was an inside job; the pink panther crew did itl it was a diversionary tactic by Donald Trump who wants the media to focus on something other than his poorly applied tan; and finally, the Illuminati are to blame (when are they not?)

Sadly, no one has blamed our lizard overlords - yet. A lot of people give out about the conspiracy theorists and their claims, but I love them.

They are so bonkers and brilliant. And you need a smattering of that from time to time.


Irish farmer calendar

We’ll see your Diet Coke hunk and raise you these fine strapping specimens.

Hairy babies

They are teeny tiny but they have a bouffant par excellence.


Double denim

According to the fashion pack, triple denim ensembles are the future.

Kit Kats and confetti

Audience members are banned from bringing the above to the Bord Gáis Energy Theatre’s staging of The Rocky Horror Show. Apparently, chocolate and confetti are a divil to get off velveteen seats.

Say what

‘The Budget will be announced by Paschal Donohoe and Micheál Martin...or...uhh’

Leo Varadkar made quite the Freudian slip while discussing the Budget. Leo — the name’s Noonan, Michael Noonan

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