Tuesday 23 July 2019

Kim's ass is on a different planet

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Donal Lynch

Donal Lynch

It's sometimes easy to lose sight of what made the big stars famous in the first place. They need to consolidate, to remind us of their unique selling point. This is why Bono still fits the odd U2 record in around being our personal Jesus the rest of the time.

Or why Lindsay Lohan is careful not to stay sober for too long. Or why Bob Geldof  has organised the bazillionth iteration of Band Aid. 

So it is with Kim Kardashian. If you only watched her on TV or followed her appearances in the media you might have forgotten that it was her enormous has-its-own-postcode derriere that really launched her into the big time. Kim's knob slobbing might have all been in vain were it not for the unfeasible amount of junk in the trunk.

Over the years, however, other aspects of Kim's career began to blur the lines of her selling point. We forgot: Was it the gaggle of gorgeous sisters? The Svengali mother? The stepfather who's morphing into Farrah Fawcett before our very eyes?

No, said last week's 'break the internet' cover shot for Paper Magazine, which invited us to behold Kim's freakishly large rear as though it were some new planet in the firmament. And in one fell swoop it solved one of Kim's biggest personal problems. No longer when you Google "Kim Kardashian's ridiculous arse" do you instantly get a picture of Kanye West

Amy Childs sets new records for stupidity

As a general rule of thumb, nay as an absolute maxim, when someone asks you a question about something that you haven't even got the foggiest notion, it's best to say you don't know or, if the situation calls for it, just put your head down, pretend you didn't hear them and walk on, just as if they were wearing a green jacket and standing on Grafton Street with a clipboard and a smile. A dumb answer tends to be dumber than a dumb question.

But whether it's a dumb answer or a dumb question, nowhere are you likely to find more of them than on reality television. Ever since the first series of Channel 4's Big Brother, dumb hasn't been so much redefined as reinvented. Whether it's the late Jade Goody asking if they speak Portuguese in Portugal or if East 'Angular' (Anglia) is abroad, or Brian Belo asking if Romeo from Romeo and Juliet was the same Romeo from Sol Solid Crew, the stupidity of Big Brother stars has shown just how little humanity has advanced.

But there may be a reality show whose stars are even more dumb. The Only Way is Essex's Joey Essex set a new low in human intelligence when he said that he couldn't read a watch. He's in his twenties.

But even Joey would have slapped his head this week at what his co-star Amy Childs said. When asked on the red carpet about the Ebola virus, Childs replied, 'I might be a big fan after tonight'. In a week when Christopher Nolan's Interstellar was released, a film about the race to save humanity, I can't help but think 'why bother.'

Christopher Jackson



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