Saturday 24 August 2019

Job done . . . now bring on the return of hedonism

Eleanor Goggin - paragon of virtue.
Eleanor Goggin - paragon of virtue.

Eleanor Goggin

I'm a paragon of virtue. I've gotten to the end! Now my non-virtuous self will return with a bang on the first of December. Hedonism will prevail for the month but I'm thrilled I did it if only to prove to myself that I'm a cranky bitch with vile thoughts. Without the aid of a few drinks, that is.

People are texting me photos of women lying down with glasses of red wine, bigger than themselves, to their head and the caption 'Roll on 1st Dec'. I obviously have a bit of a reputation. My mother would not be pleased. But she would have been so proud of me for the last month. Polite and refined. Aloof even. A monument to decorum. Not that I'm normally crawling around the floor or anything. Well, there was that one time I was pretending to be a dog and barking...

There were times on this journey when I considered deviating from my normal drink pattern and having a few sneaky ones at home where no one could see me. I even considered getting one of those lampshades that dogs have when they've had an operation. But I didn't. I stuck it out and I feel quite self-righteous.

I became the adjudicator of shite for the month. People would look at me and ask: "Are we talking shite?" I didn't refrain from telling them they were. Undiluted shite. The fact that they continually asked must have meant my face said it all. I have the greatest admiration for the few friends I have who have given up drink completely. How do they listen to the crap and repetition.

I looked up the health benefits of giving up drink for a month. It would appear that you lose weight. I didn't. I put on four pounds. Your cholesterol goes down. I'm on tablets for that. Hereditary and all that. Your liver recovers to some extent. I'll have to take their word for that one. I'm not sure if I'll do it again but if I do it will be in February where there are only 28 days. I've decided it's better to be full of wine than full of shite.

TIP: If you feel your resolve breaking down take each day at a time and persevere.

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