Wednesday 13 December 2017

Is anything real any more in Kim's reality-star life?

Kim Kardashian
Kim Kardashian
Luke and Matt Goss from boyband Bros

Sarah Caden

Last week, if you had a single, tiny moment of wondering if Kim Kardashian's robbery was for real, well, I have bad news for you. You're sexist.

Yes, that's what it is when you question whether this woman's assault and detention by force and loss of her €10m of jewellery (plus two smartphones) actually happened or was a bizarre set-up. Question it at all and you're saying that assaults on women don't get taken seriously and, further, that women do not get taken seriously. Which should not be the case, obviously.

The problem is, however, that it's been a long time since anyone was asked to really take Kim Kardashian (pictured) seriously. Lately, as viewership drops of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kim is going to greater and greater lengths in the attention-grabbing stakes.

These greater lengths basically amount to going around with her boobs on show, with one notable outing in thigh-high boots and a trench coat, worn in such a way as to suggest she was naked underneath.

Not that dressing this way makes you a legitimate target for attack. Nor does showing off your new, reportedly €4m ring on the internet mean that you need to be taught a lesson by having it robbed.

The unreality of Kim's day-to-day life, though, makes it hard to take anything as real. She is a woman for whom selfies are a career; she is a woman incapable of doing anything without the observation of millions. Her life is nothing like a real one and her robbery reads like a bad movie heist, complete with a haul of jewels so famous that no one will be able to sell them. A fact that, funnily enough, makes the whole thing even more difficult to take seriously.

Will Brexit mean squeaky bums in RTE?

Pat Fitzpatrick

News that Britain might be easing out foreign workers means squeaky bum time in RTE. Because a list of foreign workers at the BBC would include Graham Norton and Dara O'Briain. Some of your Brits will be surprised to hear that Graham isn't English, given his accent and everything. More of your Brits will have trouble coming to terms with the news that  Ireland is actually a foreign country. But there is no doubt the lads could be coming home.

It shouldn't be hard for the Beeb to find a local to do Graham's job. Not least because it mainly involves pretending to like an obnoxious Hollywood A-lister while wearing an odd-looking jacket. As for Dara, there should be no shortage of Brits who can host a panel show featuring comedians who used to be funny.

You've got to think this is bad news for a few people in Montrose. Ray D'Arcy is getting enough flak without Graham Norton rocking up and saying, "I could do that." And we can see Dara O'Briain presenting The Late Late.

No wonder media types here think Brexit is bad news.

All fear, Budget Day is here

Eilis O'Hanlon

Never mind Halloween. The most terrifying event in the Irish calendar is actually Budget Day, when everyone wakes up facing the ultimate fear - not knowing what the price of a pint and 20 fags will be when they go to bed that night.

Why the Finance Minister takes all this flak every 12 months is anybody's guess, because, according to the Opposition, there's oodles of money flying around. Sinn Fein published an alternative Budget last week which practically promised every voter a free Ferrari.

Why should they have all the fun? We should all publish our own Budget plans before Tuesday. We've got as much chance of ever putting it into action as SF does, after all.

Listening to left-wing TDs talk about what they'll do in power is like hearing a man down the pub trying to decide where he'll take Angelina Jolie on honeymoon now that she's ditched Brad Pitt. Sorry, but it ain't gonna happen, mate.

Taylor and Demi's Bad Blood

Ann Marie Scanlon

Is there some sort of ticketing system for hating on Taylor Swift? As soon as one critic shuts up, another immediately steps into the breach. In a recent interview with Glamour magazine, singer Demi Lovato came out swinging about Taylor's video for the song Bad Blood. (The song came out well over a year ago - maybe Lovato was waiting a very long time for her number to be called.) Lovato's gripes are many. She accuses the song and video of "tearing Katy Perry down, that's not women's empowerment." Really Demi? Feuds in the music industry are pretty common (RIP Biggie and Tupac), are only men allowed to have them? Lovato also took a swipe at Taylor's squad (including Selena Gomez, Gigi Hadid, Ellie Goulding and Cara Delevingne), who appear in the video, because they give a "false image of what people should look like." Impossibly gorgeous  people in a music video? At least they were dressed, eh Demi?

Bring back the Bros bible

Donal Lynch

Luke and Matt Goss from boyband Bros

They're forgetting one thing about the Bros reunion. They can gel back the hair (or what's left of it) all they want, they can cut holes in the jeans and they can even get a little crucifix earring. But for the full whack of late 1980s nostalgia, we need news of the twins' reunion to be documented in Smash Hits. This was the Bros bible and it was through Smash Hits and its cut-out-and-keep centrefold posters that we both questioned our sexuality  and worked ourselves in a lather of fandom. Only Smash Hits could get it so right by awarding them Best Group, Worst Band and Most Fanciable Males (1988). So leave out the third Bros member (who we never cared about) and bring back our teen mag. You do "owe us something", Bros - and it's that.

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