Irish Social Stere O'Types, The Health Food Enthusiast
Appearance: Lean, sinewy, bristling with energy and good health
Unfortunately: Has passed the point of being attractive and now looks sort of unreal and unnerving
Found: In the garden growing Swiss chard, blue sausage fruit, cucamelons and popcorn fiesta seeds; in the health food shop sourcing mangosteen, acai berries, quinoa and millet; in the kitchen making her own kimchi, seitan and tempeh
Obsessed with: Obscure grains like amaranth, teff and freekeh - it has more fibre than rice, you know
Truly believes: That eating refined sugar is worse than injecting heroin into your eyeball
Motto: Whole foods make a whole person
Frequently used terms: Grow it yourself, organic, vegan, legumes, filtration, wheatgrass shots, sustainable, polytunnel, composting
Term never used: Superfoods (it's a marketing scam)
Deeply suspicious of: The "agricultural-industrial complex"
Morning conundrum: Whether to sprinkle chia seeds, spirulina or nutritional yeast on her bowl of bulgar porridge
Morning greeting: Always says "namaste" instead of just using "hello" like everyone else
Contemptuous of: People who think an orange-ginger-carrot smoothie every day makes a healthy diet
Future plans: To take her interest in urine-drinking from theoretical to actual
Ultimate ambition: To abandon food as a form of nourishment entirely and live on prana alone (that's "life-force" to you)
Will probably live: To be 200-years-old
Will probably feel: Every single one of those years as they slowly inch by, like a temporal equivalent of tectonic plates
Likely quote: "Cauliflower is the new kale"
Unlikely quote: "You can't bate a nice garlic chips 'n' cheese"