Saturday 25 November 2017

Honey G and Mrs Clooney: schoolmates, but not classmates

Honey G
Honey G
Triumph: Alessia Macari
Before and after: The old and new Toberlone shape
Donal Lynch

Donal Lynch

In the midst of a fairly cataclysmic week for the world, those of us with a little perspective made time to appropriately freak out at another unnerving rip in the space-time continuum.

It emerged that The X Factor wigga Honey G and Amal Clooney (George's mot) went to school together. The thought of a high-profile Gucci-wearing lawyer, activist and wife of Clooney having just one degree of separation from a dollar-sign wearing reality TV star, just blew everyone's mind.

Did they braid each other's hair? Do detention together? And would intellectual powerhouse Honey G let Amal cog her homework? The mind boggled. But perhaps when we pause for a second it's really not all that strange that the human rights campaigner and X-Factor contestant share an alma mater. There's lots more they share.

Both are style icons, and love a bit of bling. Honey is seldom seen not covered in gold dollar signs. In fact, frankly, how the Daily Mail Online resisted including Honey alongside Alma in their "get the look" column, is beyond us. And there's more. Both Alma and Honey also have a strange fascination with 1990s relics. Honey dusted off Kris Kross's forgotten classic Jump Jump for one of her X-Factor outings while Alma has been making George feel young again for years now.

Lastly, both have blurred the boundaries between cultures and races; Amal is British and Lebanese, while Honey G is a white lady who seems to think she's black. Both have endured their hardships as well: George's jokes for Amal and Sharon Osbourne's quips for poor old Honey.

All we're saying is that all things considered, it's fairly difficult to see who's done better.

And the next school reunion should be fun.

There's no place like Rome for the Irish winner of Italian Big Brother

Eilis O'Hanlon

Triumph: Alessia Macari

Strikes are breaking out all over. There's no solution to the housing crisis, and Brexit looks set to ruin the Irish economy once it kicks in.

But there is some good news, because a Dublin woman has just won Italy's first-ever series of Celebrity Big Brother. Her name is Alessia Macari, above, which may ring a bell as she is a cousin of Dublin Wives star Virginia Macari. More important though is that Alessia has just proved the Irish can still triumph against the odds.

If she'd stayed at home, Alessia, who works as a model, TV presenter and singer, would probably have had to content herself with occasional gigs advertising two-for-one offers on breakfast rolls - the only work Irish models are allowed to take without being accused of "getting above themselves".

That, or standing in Grafton Street in a bikini in the middle of November for reasons that have entirely escaped everyone involved, though it seemed like a good idea at the time. Alessia's win almost makes up for the cosmic embarrassment of twins Jedward sharing a bubble bath together on the UK's edition of the same show. It's just a shame she had to leave the country first before getting a chance to shine. But sure, wasn't that always the way in Ireland?

Enda meeting The Donald will be the height of awks

Pat Fitzpatrick

Dear Donald, Enda here in Dublin. You know, in Ireland? Thanks for taking my call earlier.

I'd like to offer my sincere congratulations to you and Melania. And I'd like to clarify something.

Back in May, I said your comments were racist and dangerous. It was unseasonably warm here at the time, and like so many of us over here in Ireland, I'm not great in the heat. So please forget I ever said that. Rest assured that I plan to work alongside you in pursuit of your policies. Except, of course, the deportation of Irish illegals - because we have nowhere to put them.

I understand you are about to embark on a building project down Mexico way. Could I recommend the Irish illegals for this work? We love a bit of building.

Congrats again - and thanks for not coming over here and cosying up to us in pursuit of the Irish vote.

Love, Enda

PS - Stay in touch

World's Tobler(g)one mad

Anne Marie Scanlon

Before and after: The old and new Toberlone shape

We in Ireland understand the term "it's Marmite", even if we never understood Marmite itself.

It's a Brit thing - and like Brexit, it divides our neighbours into those firmly for and those decidedly against. Small wonder the Brits panicked when supermarket chain Tesco pulled the beloved yeasty treat from their shelves after a post-Brexit price rise.

We didn't think any food item could top Marmitegate - but we were wrong.

As Americans went to the polls on Tuesday, the new post-Brexit Toblerone was quietly unveiled. For the same price, chocolate lovers now get significantly fewer chocolate triangles.

Did the confectioners assume Eurosceptics would be happy with fewer Swiss-inspired chocolate peaks?


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