Harvey Weinstein's Hall of Shame
The legendary monsters of Hollywood are well known. There's Jaws, there's Godzilla, there's The Thing. It is the scale of their malevolence that ensures the names of these epic beasts live on through the ages.
And in 2017, the Hollywood Monsters Hall of Fame got a new member - producer and tireless sex-pest Harvey Weinstein who was dramatically revealed as the ultimate insider bully. He's not a man to do things by halves, is Harvey. So committed has he been to his nefarious activities that it seems he was simply not able to rest until every A-List woman in Tinseltown had been mauled, harassed, massaged, assaulted or had, in some other way, suffered at his hands. The list of his accusers was as stuffed full of power-players as the Vanity Fair Oscars Party; Ashley Judd, Jennifer Lawrence, Gwyneth Paltrow, Salma Hayek, Jessica Chastain and Rose McGowen to name a few. Weinstein was famous before, of course, but as the extent of his exploits was publicly exposed, 2017 was the year he became infamous.
Trump controls our minds
Donald Trump sent the world mad this year. Nobody could think straight because, everywhere they turned, there he was, looming over the world like Godzilla rampaging through the downtown districts of our imaginations, knocking things over, sewing chaos.
His opponents on both sides of the Atlantic have spent half the time beating their chests in fury and asking how on earth he made it to the White House, and the other half wondering how they can get him out of it. Impeachment was the buzz word, but he's now been US President for nearly a year, and there's no sign of him going quietly.
To be honest, it's been quite fun to watch this year-long howl of anguish. Cruel, but fun.
If only his enemies could put a fraction of this energy into finding a candidate who can beat him in 2020 instead of wallowing in their pain like masochists rolling naked in a field of nettles.
My own theory is that he's so fond of tormenting them at this stage that he won't even run in 2020 at all. He'll stand aside instead for his daughter, Ivanka. And she'll win, meaning the first female President will not just be a Republican, but a Trump to boot. His detractors will go loco.
People apparently dream a lot about the Queen, but there's no doubt The Donald replaced Her Majesty this year in the world's nocturnal imagination. Even in our sleep, we can't escape him.
The bum's rush for Pippa
Anne Marie Scanlon
Forget Coronation Street, the Windsors (previously known as the House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha) is arguably Britain's longest running soap. As with all soaps, when long-standing favourites go stale, a new character emerges. And so as William and Kate turned dreary into an art form, P-Middy got bigger billing. Posh Pippa's character arc has now done a complete 360. She, or rather her posh posterior, royally upstaged big sis's wedding in 2011 - and in May she once again took her arse up the aisle, and we do mean her wannabe royal rear, not her new husband James Matthews. But as Pippa returns to the supporting cast, the Soap Gods are still working their magic. James is brother to Made in Chelsea star Spencer, who goes out with Vogue Williams. And of course, there's Megan's Mega Big Day to come. Oh the excitement. Oh the plot twists to come!
Learning to love Leo's Lycra
This was the year in which, through the transformative magic of the ballot box, a conservative young fogey became the hippest thing in politics. Leo Varadkar made the cover of TIME and made all the other countries jealous of Ireland because a gay son of immigrants just ticks all the right boxes. It says 'we're indie and hip, set up your tech startup here' better than any tax break ever could. We were also breathless with excitement at Leo's leisurewear (which is a branding decision waiting to happen). As far as anyone is concerned Justin Trudeau paid a state visit to go jogging with Leo and we were all on board with that. Then toward the end of the year when he gave the Brexit press conference the very first question was about the tank top he had worn earlier that day. If it had been Hillary Clinton they would've screamed 'sexism' but since it's Leo's lycra we just wanted to hear the answer.
Forget McGregor, this is about Paddy Sports Fan
It's been an incredible year for Paddy Sports Fan (PSF). His performance in Las Vegas was a new high, or low, depending on how you look at these things. It's fair to say that, in terms of sporting importance, the Mayweather-McGregor fight was basically a shinty friendly, crossed with a gaelic football match in Kilkenny. However, it was mega-gigantic when it came to Irish people sharing videos of themselves drinking a large city dry. Some 15,000 of our best PSFs headed for Vegas and broadcast footage of themselves coming down an escalator to show the rest of the world what it means to be the crack. Floyd Mayweather hinted at the circus nature of the whole thing when he praised McGregor for being the "right dance partner". However, your average PSF didn't get where he is today (pissed in the main square of a European city) by paying attention to the details. He is far too busy searching for 'video of me helping a local' on YouTube, to be bothering with that kind of nonsense. As we know, this is a form of therapy for PSF and we can only hope he finds some way to channel his amazing soundness, and sense of fun, next year. Because otherwise, who knows what might happen?