Friday 23 February 2018

Glamorous divorcees - from Christina Estrada to Brigitte Bardot

Christina Estrada.
Christina Estrada.
Liz Taylor
Eva Longoria.
Kim Kardashian.
Brigitte Bardot.

Pat Fitzpatrick

As Barry Egan talks to coupled-up Yvonne Connolly, we take a look at some other famous divorcees

1 Christiina Estrada

Who knows what attracted Christina Estrada to Saudi billionaire Walid Juffali? Everyone. How did she feel on learning he was already married to someone else? That he was no great sheikh. (Make it stop.) Christina was a Pirelli-calendar model back in the day. Some have given up making lame puns on that front, but we'll never tyre of it. (Sorry.) Her clothing budget, revealed in court, includes £83,000 a year on cocktail dresses. A word of advice on that front, Christina. TK Maxx.

2 Elizabeth Taylor

She was married eight times. You'd imagine she might have changed her vows. "Do you, Elizabeth, take this man for all the days of your life?" "Not really. I'd give it three years, tops." Elizabeth caused a stir in 1962 when she started a public affair with Richard Burton, while both of them were married. The Vatican called it "erotic vagrancy". Like when you send a priest off to Peru after he is caught abusing children, says you, mad for the bit of old irony.

3 Eva Longoria

Her French basketball player ex, Tony Parker, didn't know who she was when they first met. Apparently he had never seen Desperate Housewives. There's only one word for that. Lucky. Their marriage ended when Eva found texts on his phone to another woman. She filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. Or as it translates from French, "I think he might be thick because he can't use the delete button on his phone, non?"

4 Kim Kardashian

Kim's 2011 marriage to Kris Humphries ended after 72 days. We can remember sermons at Mass that lasted longer than that. Most of them warned against spending too much on wedding presents for celebs. They're so skittish. There is so much pain when a marriage ends that quickly. Particularly among those hoping to show re-runs of the documentary, Kim's Fairytale Wedding, at entertainment network, E!. Or, Oh Shite!, as they renamed it when the divorce was announced.

5 Brigitte Bardot

Brigitte was known as a Sex Kitten in the 1960s. We put that through our Politically Correct Translator to convert it into modern-day language. It went on fire. We'll go with Nice-Looking Cat. Some say French movies are overly intellectual and abstract. We say Brigitte starred in a movie called Manina, The Girl in the Bikini. The wardrobe budget came in at a whopping three francs. They might as well have called it Attention, Toutes Les Pervs.

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