Monday 23 April 2018

Getting catty about Dawn

Dawn O'Porter
Dawn O'Porter
Donal Lynch

Donal Lynch

What can we say about Dawn O'Porter's claims that she's mortified for telling people she understood the love they had for their kids because it was probably like how she loved her cat? Because now that she has a kid, apparently, she's seen the error of her ways, and by implication all us child-abhorrent cat-obsessed spinsters must be wrong.

Well we're mortified for her all over again. Because as any right thinking person knows, kids drool, and cats rule. Just look at the internet. Baby pictures - annoying and generally only on Facebook. Cat pictures - everywhere, because cats are box office. Cats are also so much easier to own than babies. For one thing you don't need to carry a cat around for nine months and then push it out of your vagina. This would ruin your figure and the cat would not stand for it. Cats are easier on the nerves because they're always slightly indifferent to you, whereas children love you when they're young and then can't bear you when they turn into teenagers.

Speaking of growing up, if your cat has a teenage pregnancy you can just give the kids away. No adoption papers required. If a baby does its business you have to roll up your sleeves. A cat will bury its mess given the chance and if you lock it in a room without litter it will still bury it, under a cushion perhaps, as a "surprise" for you to find later. Next Dawn O'Porter is going to be telling us she loves Chris O'Dowd more than a cat. That's when we'll really know she's lost it

Sunday Independent

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