Is Jacques essentially Jake from last year? Other Best Bits – Indiyah asking if Ireland "has shopping centres", plus Andrew and Tasha in the bottom three
I know; TIS FIELDS – ALL FIELDS, INDIYAH! But first, to Jake - apologies - Jacques. It seems pertinent to address the elephant in the room given it pretty much looks like they went the entire hog in tonight's episode. And they weren't even in the Hideaway (Gemma and Luca were, however... I know; poor Michael Owen)
He cracks the odd funny joke. Likes stirring the pot, but also has moments of brutal honesty (which could be construed as having a conscience). And, he LOVES his mum. Not sure where he stands on the foot fetish front (Jake was a fan) but one thing I do know; Jake would've had the Machiavellian presence of mind not to have told his "Libber-eeeeh" to "f*** off" and call her "pathetic" to her face after all she did was to answer his question.
Jake was far too camera savvy for that, and yet he was vilified. Don't get me wrong, some of the backlash was deserved, but Jacques is clearly getting an easier time of it, all things considered.
By way of some context; after Tuesday night's Heart Race challenge, the breakdown of who got excited by who was broken down thusly…
In the event that none of the above means anything; exes Jacques and Gemma got most excited by each other. When Jacques asked Paige if she was OK about it, and why she had a face on her, she was honest in her response. "Out of all the girls in here, she was the one to excite you the most."
You already know Jacques's response – he told her to F-off and branded her pathetic. Then, he topped things off by saying "Well, when you've been with someone on the outside, you get flashbacks, you know." Wow.
The following day, he apologised. Much like how he apologised after bawling Paige out of it for not directly following him to the pool the day previous. And that's with cameras... Jacques' behaviour left Paige jarred, but she was more than capable of standing up for herself, calmly and concisely.
However, you can see how easily these initial defenses could be eroded over time, particularly when regularly beset with the wildly swinging pendulum of your partner's unpredictable moods.
And yet, whenever Jacques goes off on one, he seems to make gains. For example, in tonight's episode – if the duvet action was anything to go by – Jacques and Paige went the whole proverbial under the covers. Then again, that night light can play tricks on the eyes...
By 'it' I mean this is the second time she's deliberately dropped a bombshell during a recoupling. First, she rocked Gemma and Luca's relationship by choosing the latter. This time around, despite Jay all but saying "Listen, I don't fancy you, ye ken?" she still chose to couple up with him, thus scuppering Antigone's chances of being with the only guy in there she can muster a flirt with.
While Danica fully owned her hijacking of Luca when she first arrived, saying she wanted to pursue someone she fancied, she didn't quite have the same excuse this time. Jay had literally said to her hours prior, "If I was to pursue someone romantically, it would be Antigone."
And yet, when she chose Jay, she was utterly baffled by the response. There she was in the Beach Hut declaring, "Have I missed something?!" So, obviously she approached Dami to clear up the apparent confusion, who outright said: "You're making yourself a pillar between a potential relationship."
For Jay and Danica, today's enforced collective Brunch Date (more on that below) was like a one-sided recruitment session, vis-a-vis optimum relationship trajectory in collaboration with other viable options. Well, at least poor Antigone had her partner Davide to fall back on? Um...
Mum and Dad are backsies, yayyyy! Not two minutes recoupled and Ekin was already demanding that he make her food, while Charlie informed Davide to – "enjoy, until the next gym guy comes in..."
After referring to herself as a Turkish delight (again), Ekin then pulled Luca for a chat - to essentially ask him to chat with Davide to tell him that Ekin is for real this time. Davide doesn't seem game - resulting in legions of Twitterers fretting that Mum and Dad won't last the pace. And then producers sent them on a date, that involved crushing "very wet" ripe grapes between their crevices (toes) in the confines of a barrel.
Ekin spent most of the time checking if her boobs were still in her dress and banging on about how much the past is in the past and how he needs to trust her now 'cause she's a TOTALLY different legendary Turkish delight now. AND THEN THEY WASHED EACH OTHER'S FEET, before she lobbed the gob at him.
The couples spouted the usual verbal blizzard of "Not gonna lies", peppered with an abomination of "Literallys", all while people refused to eat anything - apart from the non-nationals who tend to horse into the confections (here's looking at you, Davide).
As expected, Andrew and Tasha brought the heaves on account of the former announcing that they were the sole original couple left – and yet SO. TWO. DIMENSIONAL.
Next thing we know, Tasha is asking Ekin how you know "if you're in love." So from making moo-eyes at Charlie to suddenly being in love with Andrew... Twitter is on to you, love.
Listen, I just want to breeze through this as Indiyah is sound, but she made quite the city slicker error when Dami said he was looking forward to bringing her to Ireland. Her response? "Is it much different from London? Do you have shopping centres down there?" She tried to backpedal when Dami brought the WTAF face with a "Like, Harrods?!"
Again, spare a thought for Michael Owen. While Gemma slipped into black lingerie, complete with a slinky robe and stilettos, Luca opted for the usual white boxers avec hoodie option. Dami suggested Luca wear some lingerie – but sadly not a goer. Still, at least he didn't have a vest on, like Jacques.
Either way, how they manage to sleep with that amount of material residing in their unmentionables will forever remain a mystery. What Gemma did reveal, however, is that her dad played for England and she went to nursery with the Beckham boys.
Love Island returns on Friday at 9pm on Virgin Media Two and Virgin Media Player, whereupon we'll FINALLY find out which couple is being sent home – because producers do enjoy their protracted cliffhangers.
The two couples that the public view as least compatible are... Andrew & Tasha, Danica & Jay, plus Charlie & Antigone.
The remaining boys and girls need to independently decide which boy and which girl they send home. But none of that really matters 'cause CASA AMOR!