Thursday 18 January 2018

My 'Mommy Porn' is a kitchen catalogue

MOST of the time, I feel like a 19-year-old trapped in an older body. Then something happens that makes me feel utterly ancient and past it. After years of refusing to 'friend' anyone I didn't know on Facebook, I've gone completely the opposite way on Twitter, chatting away to anyone who contacts me.

It was great fun until the 'sexts' started. I don't think anyone would describe me as a prude, but I didn't like getting 'sexted', and worse, I had no idea how to respond.

Do you ignore it? Do you laugh it off? Do you send a nasty message back (and by nasty, I mean angry, not dirty)? I have no idea what the etiquette in these situations is, and I really don't appreciate someone trying to talk dirty to me when we've never actually met in 'real life'.

To be completely honest, I'm not a fan of the 'dirty talk', even when I'm intimately acquainted with the dirty talker. Apart from anything else, I just don't have the patience for it.

I'm the same in fancy restaurants, when someone comes along to 'explain' my dinner to me when it's sitting there, begging to be eaten. If I go to bed with someone, it's not because I want a chat.

So here, for future reference, in writing, are my fantasies. Brace yourselves. Among other things, I'd like to win the Lotto, have a large utility room and own a Prada handbag.

Seriously, if you offered me the choice between a night with George Clooney and any of the above, George wouldn't get a look in. There's been a lot of talk about the new genre of 'Mommy Porn' -- there's nothing at all new about 'Mommy Porn', it's been around for years in the form of fitted kitchen catalogues.

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