Friday 23 February 2018

6 Things You Should Never Say At Christmas

Conor Behan

Christmas is a complicated time.

On one hand you’re given gifts, get to eat a lot and usually see friends who have made it home for the first time in months. On the other hand there is extended family to hang out with, mass to attend and all manner of encounters you’d rather avoid. However you plan on coping with the festive season, there are certain things you should just never say around this time of year. Here’s a selection:


1. “I’m sick of Fairytale of New York”


Sure, by the time you sit down to Christmas dinner you’ve heard every festive tune ever recorded three times over- but that doesn’t mean you have to grump about it. This is the time when Fairlytale of New York and it’s contemporaries get their moment. In just a few short weeks it’ll all be a distant memory. Use that to get you through December.


(2) “This turkey is a bit dry” 


Photo: Getty Images


Anything making a complaint about the Christmas dinner is a no. Whether it’s your mum slaving away over a lavish meal or a significant other there’s somebody in your life who has spent the day in a kitchen while you mash your face into a selection box. Sure, you might want to avoid the week long supply of turkey sandwiches but on the 25th of December you better act like that food is the best thing you’ve ever tasted. It’s only fair.


(3) “I’m a bit full”


This could be uttered before your second helping of roast potatoes or when your sister passes you the tin of Roses but either way it’s a death knell for the festive spirit. Christmas is a time of indulging and if you can’t hack it then keep quiet. You don’t want those around feeling guilty for enjoying the spoils of the season do you?


(4) “This isn’t really what I wanted”

You’ll be tempted to say this when you open your gift and you’re sat there looking like this:


But if you didn’t drop the right hints with certain people before Christmas then it’s your own fault your gifts aren’t right. And it’s from someone who doesn’t know you that well than just politely grin and bear it and think of a way to re-gift it someone else. This is when those people who have birthdays in early January will be worth keeping an eye on.


(5) “Aunty Mary is a pain in the...”


Sadly (or thankfully depending on your point of view) you are not in an episode of Eastenders. So starting a scrap with your sister / cousin / aunt or whoever is the family 'wreck-the-head' is not worth it. We all have relatives who are a bit awful but take the high road and ignore them. You can reward yourself in chocolate, of which you will find an abundance of at this time of year. You’re welcome.


(6) “I’m not going to mass!”


There are whole generations of Irish families who don’t bother heading to mass on Christmas Day and that’s completely fine. But if the visit to a Christmas mass is a tradition amongst your clan then there'll be war. Sure, it might take an hour or two out of your busy “Eat, sleep, watch bad TV, eat more, sleep, get up in the middle of the night to eat” plans but it might make your parents happy. And if they’re happy they might give you really good portions at Christmas dinner.  Everyone wins.



These are just a number of festive clangers you should try and avoid this Christmas. Have we missed any? Let us know in the comments below or tweet us!

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