Sunday 20 October 2019

Ang, President; Brad, First Lady

Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie
Donal Lynch

Donal Lynch

Uh oh. Just when Russell Brand almost had used enough pointlessly long words to convince people that it really is okay to not bother voting, Angelina Jolie comes along and ruins it all by saying she's open to becoming a politician.

Now voter apathy is not an option. This is what America has needed. Angie for president, she'll be a shoo-in. Blacks have been done. Women have been done (well, ok, not done exactly, but we'll never get it up for another woman like we did for Hillary and she's too old now). But silent, pouting screen goddesses with mistress eyes, cat cheeks and cushion lips have not been done.

Not a single former president that fits that description. Not even Obama has Angie's magic mix of porn star looks with film star class. And Angie has more dark skinned children than Obama. Angelina as president would also be exciting because, according to law, Brad Pitt would then be the First Lady. Instead of playing all those macho roles he could just be himself and embrace his domestic side. We could also scrutinise him much more frequently and call it "an interest in politics."

Angie's only problem voter categories might be in that cohort of women who have lost their boyfriends to more beautiful women. Or perhaps women in their mid-thirties, who are made to feel that society is holding a death watch on their ovaries. Or jealous pop stars who feel they'll never out do-gooder her.

Other than that she has every voter group sewn up: horny men; aspirational women. Really that's all society, when you think about it.

Sunday Independent

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