Friday 23 August 2019

Ageing sex gods... from Jagger to Springsteen

Mick Jagger.
Mick Jagger.
Steven Tyler.
Tom Jones.
Bruce Springsteen

Pat Fitzpatrick

As Niamh Horan talks senior sex with Rod Stewart, we look at some other legendary frontmen who are still going strong.


Mick visited Cuba recently in preparation for a live gig there next year. Planning that far ahead when you're 72? You're Havana laugh. Sorry. Sure, you're only as old as the woman you Fidel, says you, mad for a bit of pun action. Mick joined Taylor Swift on stage in Nashville recently to sing I Can't Get No Satisfaction. He got a unanimous reaction from her young fans. Mick Who? Older music fans in the arena had a completely different response. Mick. Why? You used to be cool.


The Aerosmith frontman was photographed snogging a 22-year-old actress at an Oscar party a few years back. Steven couldn't wipe the smile off his face. Steven can never wipe the smile off his face, says you, steering well clear of the Botox. Rocker Steven appeared on American Idol this year and sang a country song. That raised a few eyebrows. Not Steven's, obviously. He hasn't got it up in years. His eyebrow, you filthy schoolboy.


Tom was in the news recently, talking about his wife of 58 years. There was a valuable life-lesson in there for all of you married men. Looking back over Tom's life, it's clear that the secret to a long marriage is to have an affair with Miss World and hope your missus doesn't mind. Don't all try it at once. Miss World is incredibly busy, what with all the working with children and bringing about world peace.


Did you know Meat Loaf was in Fight Club? Unfortunately he's not allowed to talk about it. There's some rule, apparently. It's fair to say that Mr Loaf is behind the most intriguing song of all time. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That). That's both the title of the song and most of the lyrics. The internet has a lot of speculation about what he wouldn't do for love. Let's just say some people have filthy minds and leave it at that.


It's distressing for a lot of us to watch Bruce now and think, "Is that jammy bastard ever going to start looking his age?" Seriously, he's 66, you'd think he'd have the decency to at least get a lazy eye. Bruce made his big breakthrough in 1984 with the protest song Born In The USA. The rest of the world saw the title as ironic. Irish people saw the title as their number-one wish in life. 1980s Ireland. Very grim.

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