Sunday 17 December 2017

Money Talks: 'Our meal couldn't have been dearer if Bjork had caught the fish'

Money talks... Neil Delamere

Comedian Neil Delamere
Comedian Neil Delamere
Louise McBride

Louise McBride

Comedian Neil Delamere, from Edenderry in Co Offaly, is a computer applications graduate of Dublin City University. His career in comedy kicked off in 2004 at the Edinburgh Festival. Along with his stand-up tours, he appears regularly on RTE and BBC. He has also written and presented a number of award-winning comedy documentaries, including The Only Viking in the Village and There's Something About Patrick. Delamere is currently on tour with new show, Handstand.

What's the funniest thing you've ever heard about money?

'The best things in life are free'. No, they're on Seatwave for 10 times their face value!

What's your favourite Irish coin?

The 20-pence piece. The first time I saw them, my Dad came home with some and gave them to us. What an eventful childhood we had if one of the highlights was the introduction of a coin.

Are you better off than your parents?

Probably, but only because they had a misspent youth - selling off their own organs for showband tickets and the like!

What's the most expensive country you've ever visited?

Iceland was breathtakingly expensive for certain things. We controlled most of the costs, but on the last day, we treated ourselves to a posh meal. It couldn't have been dearer if Bjork had caught the fish herself.

Apart from property, what's the most expensive thing you have ever bought?

A car probably. It's a necessity for touring.

What was your worst job?

Sticking the rubber into windows in a window factory. Every so often, I see them being installed on Room To Improve and I shudder at the memory.

What was your biggest financial mistake?

Buying a flat in Ireland in 2006. Sometimes at night a ghostly apparition of David McWilliams haunts my dreams telling me I'm making a huge mistake. Then he and Morgan Kelly mud wrestle.

What was your best financial killing?

I brought the Book of Kells onto the Antiques Roadshow. I was pleasantly surprised by the valuation and sold it later on DoneDeal...

Do you use any money-saving apps?

Not specifically money-saving ones but I do use the parking app, which is really convenient.

Android or iPhone?


Do you know how much is in your current account?

Roughly speaking, yep.

Have you ever made an insurance claim?

Yep, I broke my leg once so there was some expenses around that. I was confined to a wheelchair for a brief time.

Have you ever switched utility provider?

Yes. Every so often I hear Eddie Hobbs telling me it's time to look at the bills and sort it out.

iTunes or Spotify?

iTunes. Usually I listen to podcasts on it - stuff like Desert Island Discs or Second Captains.

What was the last thing you bought online?

A music speaker for the shower.

Do you have a mortgage? What type?

It's a tracker mortgage in that, if I miss a repayment, Bear Grylls and Ray Mears hunt me down until I've transferred the cash to the bank.

Would you buy Irish property now?

I would, on two conditions. If I'd passed Go enough times to have a few quid and if I was the little dog or the top hat. They've always been lucky for me.

Cash or card?


Do you ever haggle?

Not really. I know people who are extraordinarily ballsy doing it so, if I'm buying something big, I just bring one of them. One friend is somewhere between Arthur Daley (of the old British-comedy-drama Minder) and Genghis Khan in terms of negotiation skills, so best to just sit back and let the magic happen.

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