Tuesday 23 January 2018

Me and my money: Panti

Drag queen says pet dog was her best buy and more fun than all her designer frocks combined

Drag queen Panti
Drag queen Panti

ONE of the country's best known drag queens says a small dog called Penny was her best buy.

"She cost €30 -- she came with all her shots -- and I've gotten more unadulterated joy out of her than all my designer dresses put together," Panti said.

"A Sony Playstation was my biggest spending mistake. I thought I was missing out on some fantastic piece of youth culture, so I bought one, played it for a week, and ended up with calloused thumbs and bald patches from pulling my hair out at 'Tomb Raider' frustration. It sat there gathering dust, reminding me I was middle-aged.

"My savings plan includes closing my eyes as I pass through the designer floor of Brown Thomas. What I can't see can't hurt me.

"Cigarettes are my biggest ongoing waste of money. I've had a long, tumultuous relationship with the dreaded weed.

"Even though I've given up for periods of up to two years, I always seem to fall off the golden-leafed wagon. I hate everything about smoking, and I hate handing over the huge sums of money needed to feed my pathetic, smelly addiction. And yet I still do. I'm an embarrassment to myself. Don't look at me!

"If I could buy anything, regardless of price, it would be Dolly Parton. She could tell me sad but life-affirming stories about her impoverished youth over breakfast, and make wisecracks about her boobs and wigs over lunch.

"And then in the evenings she could sing songs appropriate to my mood -- sad love songs when I'm depressed and love sick, and jaunty bluegrass numbers when I'm drunk. And people would just die when I trundled her out during desert at dinner parties."

  • Panti hosts Europe and Ireland's first music and arts festival for the LGBT Community -- MILK! -- on August 14 at Ballinlough Castle, Co Westmeath.

Irish Independent

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