Monday 19 August 2019

'I'm in the market for a patient accountant' - Alison Spittle's biggest financial mistake was not having rich parents


Alison Spittle
Alison Spittle Business

The comedian Alison Spittle is the star and writer of RTE's new series, Nowhere Fast. The show is a comedy about life in small-town Ireland as seen from the eyes of the returning millennial.

Spittle is well-known for her one-woman show Alison Spittle Discovers Hawaii, which sold out in various Irish festivals and was nominated for a number of awards.

She is now touring the country with her Worrier Princess show. This show will be on in Dublin's Vicar Street on January 13. Details of other venues for the Worrier Princess tour can be found on

What's the most important lesson about money which your year as a comedian has taught you?

That I need my financial butt wiped for me by another person. I'm in the market for a patient accountant.

What's the most expensive country you ever visited?

Scotland. During the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, some cafes and pubs raise their prices. My comedy friend got a bad review so I bought her a quadruple Baileys and a pint of coke for myself. It cost £30. I almost had a heart attack.

What's your favourite coin?

I like the Thai 10-baht coin. It looks like the two-euro coin but has a pretty building on one side and a kind man's face on the other.

Apart from property, what's the most expensive thing you have ever bought?

A Honda scooter. I got a great deal on it. As soon as I passed my provisional test, I brought it out for a spin. I drove five metres from my driveway into my garden wall and never drove it again. I've never driven anything since.

What was your worst job?

Working front-of-house for a Chinese takeaway when I was 15. I decided I'd save for an iPod a different way that summer.

I learned how to make prawn crackers though and I was allowed to eat as many as I liked. I didn't want to touch another prawn cracker after the third day.

What was your biggest financial mistake?

Not having rich parents.

What was your best financial killing?

My Communion was a windfall, despite half my family being Protestant. I bought a Baywatch Barbie with my Communion money.

My cousin has 23 aunts and uncles though so he wiped the floor with me that day though. He could have got a PlayStation with his Communion money.

Are you better off than your parents?

I'm not sure how much my Mam made for her Communion. My Dad didn't make his so I'd say I'm better off than him.

Would you buy property now?

No, because I can't get a mortgage.

ITunes or Spotify?

Spotify. I feel bad how little musicians make off their work. I would pay more. CDs were shiny discs of stuttering annoyance. I like an old cassette. I still have my Christy Moore Live at the Point in the house somewhere.

What was the last thing you bought online?

A big yellow jumper with a swear word on the back of it. I felt bold buying it - I'll probably only wear it around the house.

Do you ever haggle?

My granddad is the best haggler. I just send him to haggle for me. He bought the crashed scooter off me and I felt like I was in Glengarry Glen Ross

What three things would you not be able to do without if you were tightening your belt?

Maldon sea salt flakes (they taste like money), my Audible subscription, and Netflix. I like being constantly entertained. It's my number one luxury.

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