Friday 20 April 2018

People are talking: Forget the clowns ... send Isil Kim and Kanye

Kim and kanye
Kim and kanye
Donal Lynch

Donal Lynch

For once, dare we say, Bono may be on to something. To combat Isil he said this week: comedy should be deployed: "It's like, you speak violence, you speak their language. But you laugh at them, when they're goose-stepping down the street, and it takes away their power. So, I'm suggesting that the Senate send in Amy Schumer, and Chris Rock, and Sacha Baron Cohen, thank you."

This is brilliant but why stop at comedy? If they continue to attack the West we send in actresses like confirmed normal person (or so she keeps telling us) Jennifer Lawrence - who Bono also supported this week in her statements on equal pay.

If that doesn't work, Kanye and Kim. Then we deploy the chat show hosts.

And if they still won't trim their beard and allow girls to go to school we give them the ultimate emissaries of Western decadence: the reality TV contestants.

But first: there ought to be clowns.

Winterfell waits for no man ... unless it's the one called Obama

Eilis O'Hanlon

Forget about that minister in the British government who got involved in a still unspecified relationship with a hooker of the non-rugby-playing variety.  No, the biggest scandal to hit the world of politics in recent days was when it was revealed that President Obama gets to see Game Of Thrones before anyone else, having asked the makers of the hit fantasy show for sneak previews.

"When the Commander in Chief says 'I want to see advance episodes', what are you gonna do?" explains producer David Benoiff. Er, what about telling him to wait another week for the new season to start, like everyone else? Sadly, it seems that saying no to the US President just isn't an option, which certainly explains why First Lady Michelle often looks so fed up.

To be honest, life's way too short to bother with TV shows about magic dragons and people with silly names like Mirri Maz Durr (no, really, that's what she's called), but that's not the point. World leaders already have the best of everything - power; free travel to exotic locations; huge salaries and gold-plated pensions; terrorists trying to kill them every day (OK, so that bit might not be much fun) - and now they get to see spoilers before the rest of us too? It just isn't fair. It does explain, though, why a government still hasn't been formed here two months after the election. Potential taoisigh are probably terrified they'll be forced to sit through special advance screenings of Mrs Brown's Boys. It's not worth it.

Brits think we are wee pervs

Pat Fitzpatrick

Maria just looked me in the eyes and said 'Can I pee on you?' There is something an Irishman never said on Channel 4. Until this week. A man known only as Ciaran was appearing on Sexbox with his Danish girlfriend, Maria.

It's grand for the Danes to admit that kind of carry on. They are clearly at it like rabbits in Scandinavia and don't seem to mind talking about it in public. That's still not the case for us. It's a large step forward for an Irishman to admit his lady friend goes to the toilet on him, while his mammy is probably watching. (On TV, there is no suggestion she was actually there in the room.) This could get us labelled a nation of pervs. He's not known as Ciaran to the great British viewing public. He's just that Irish guy who likes his girlfriend to have a pee on him.

Bear that in mind when a lot of British people start asking you out on Tinder. And bear in mind what they are probably looking for.

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