Tuesday 12 December 2017

Paper prophet - Eleanor Tiernan Comic

What was your worst customer service experience?

Being stuck in Canada with no phone when O2 cut me off last summer. There was no way for me to pay the bill while I was away so I was not able to contact home for the whole trip.

Do you shop in Lidl or Aldi?

I do, but I'm not aware of any difference between the two.

What car do you drive and how much does it cost to fill up the petrol tank?

I drive a Seat Cordoba and I have never filled it with a full tank of petrol. It would mean deliberately allowing the car to run out of petrol and hoping that the last drop was used just when I passed a petrol station. I don't have the nerve for that.

What was your first job and salary?

I worked in Supermac's in Eyre Square, Galway, and I don't remember how much I was paid. I do remember losing it at 4am one Sunday when I roared at a drunk customer: "Mighty Macs. We only have Mighty Macs left."

What would you like to achieve in work this year?

Through the power of stand-up comedy I would like to build a rail link from Dublin to north Donegal.

Do you have any family connection with business?

No, we are all a bit leftie! A family populated by teachers, social workers, writers, even my uncle is a trade unionist in Sydney. Great at talking but terrible with money.

Which businessman or woman do you most admire?

Nick Cave, for his ability to apply his talents to different disciplines.

What's the biggest financial mistake you ever made?

There have been many but the worst was leaving a wallet containing €400 on the cistern of a loo in Isolde's Tower a few years ago. That one hurt me bad.

Do you know what interest rate you're paying on your mortgage?

I do not have a mortgage and thus far no interest rate. I won't be getting one either -- it seems as no matter how far prices fall, I still won't get mortgage approval.

If you won the EuroMillions jackpot, what would you do with the money?

I have thought about this a lot. Firstly, I would buy myself three properties -- an apartment in New York, a house in Dublin and another in West Kerry. Then, I would engage some of the top brains in the country to help me plan how to spend the rest in the national interest. I would hope that Maureen Gaffney, Michael O'Leary, Terry Prone, Brendan Gleeson would come on board. It would be wonderful to be able to make substantial ground in research on cancer, cystic fibrosis and heart disease, and hopefully help Aware. I would set up a fund for struggling artists, too.

What have you got in your wallet today?

Some receipts I have yet to file. Some sterling, about €80 and 11 loyalty cards from different coffee shops around Dublin, with one stamp on each of them. Wouldn't it be great if there was one card we could use for them all?

If you could design your own euro note, whose face would you put on it?

Nicholas Copernicus, the man who figured that the earth revolved around the sun and not the other way around. What a legend!

What would you spend more money on each year? Petrol or restaurants

I'd say its about equal.

Have you ever been overcharged by a bank?

I once put my bank card into the ATM, made a transaction of €20 but no money came out. I called the bank the following morning but was told the balance in the ATM did not support my claim. The bank may have been lying, but I like to think somebody else who used the ATM was given an extra €20 and that the problem was with the technology rather than the morality of the bank.

Have you ever made an insurance claim?

No. I have been in a couple of small accidents but it was cheaper at the time to fix them privately rather than going through the insurance company and lose my no-claims bonus. I pay about €280 a year for car insurance.

How much is a bag of chips?

It is €2.20 in my local chipper but they are of excellent quality.

Comedian Eleanor Tiernan who is also comedian Tommy Tiernan's cousin, has a show in the Roisin Dubh, Galway, this Wednesday, April 21, and in the Glor Theatre, Ennis, Co Clare, on April 23.

Sunday Independent

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