Monday 22 January 2018

Baffled by lover's desire for revenge

Sir - I read Mary Loxley's article 'Should I tell his wife about our affair?' (Sunday Independent, September 11). I checked a few times to see if it was a serious article or a send-up. The photo looks real, the article seems real and yet it seems that this is a genuine musing as to whether a woman who had an affair over many years should now tell his wife. "I want to express my rage for all the suffering I endured."

This is the most skewed article I have come across in a long time. I think this woman needs serious counselling. If someone is raped they express rage. We all make mistakes and regret incidents but we cannot lay the blame for misery on the shoulders of someone we loved for many years. As I read the article I asked myself what did she expect, like what possible outcome could have ensued? If leaving the wife and children was the objective, would the wife not have a legitimate rage?

I'm not a cold individual by any means. "We got talking and this led to more casual sex" says the writer. It's truly baffling. Talking doesn't, or shouldn't lead to casual sex with a married guy. Why did this lady not have the capacity to say no and go home?

I think the answer lies in her childhood. Most people learn some level of self-protection, she didn't. "For decades there haven't been enough degree-educated men for degree-educated women like me" she says. So a person's value is their degree.

You know who the nicest guys in Dublin are... the guys working in the Ballymount waste disposal. I go there all the time. I love clearing out rubbish. I have never been left alone to lift heavy stuff. One of them always arrives with a witty comment to help me move stuff.

Maybe this lady just looked in the wrong place or didn't look at all because she was having an affair. Mary, please don't bother telling the wife. Get some serious direction. Being single isn't misery, it can be really nice sometimes, and it sure beats being half tied to someone else's husband.

Margaret Doherty

Dublin 6

Sir - Following on from the two excellent articles by Colm McCarthy 'Ireland has no special place in the affections of our 'allies' in Europe' (Sunday Independent, September 11) and Brendan Keenan 'Once again, Ireland finds itself a mere pawn in a much bigger game' (Irish Independent, September 8), I think it is important that the penny drops with the Irish people that we don't have, and probably never had 'any friends' in Europe.

This cliched expression was used ad nauseam over the years by our politicians when it came to various referenda to sell the virtues of the EU and its institutions.

Yet it is pretty clear with the latest Apple ruling that Ireland is once again being used as some sort of guinea pig, just like we were during the whole austerity agenda.

The manner in which we were aggressively pushed into a bailout (which we might have needed anyway), charged exorbitant interest rates, forced to pay virtually all bondholders to ensure no contagion spread across the European banking system, was at best deeply unjust and at worst a form of bullying.

No one stood up to the ECB and in particular the EU Commission and demanded fairness and a decent deal.

We were patronised by the big two, Merkel accepting we were what turned out to be a meaningless 'special case' and Sarkozy giving Enda tousled hair for his trouble.

The member of the Troika who showed most understanding and had advocated a better deal for us was ironically the IMF, traditionally the big bad wolf!

My own view is that we have less valid arguments (moral and otherwise) with the Apple case than we had with the bailout programme, yet here we now have a queue of the great and good defending our sovereignty and tax independence. That ship has sailed, I am afraid and it will fall on deaf ears as will our wants and needs with Brexit.

The sad thing is that we are so far in at this stage, we can't extract ourselves from the unwieldy beast that is Europe.

Eamon O Bearra


Co Limerick

Sunday Independent

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