Sunday 21 July 2019

Seven of the best TV characters to share Christmas dinner with

Ryan Gosling's satin scorpion jacket deserved a nomination.
Ryan Gosling's satin scorpion jacket deserved a nomination.
Hercule Poirot
Frank as foul-mouthed priest Father Jack in 'Father Ted'
As solving murder mysteries went, Angela Lansbury (aka Jessica Fletcher) was the queen.
Louise Kelly

Louise Kelly

Where to spend Christmas dinner every year is increasingly becoming a bone of contention as the family expands and relocates.

Yet, for the most part, whatever the venue, the afternoon meal on the 25th is usually ingested at a table surrounded by close relatives.

A joyful few hours celebrating and conversing with those you care for most in the world...  Unfortunately this is an idealistic concept that rarely corresponds to reality.

Invariably, that short time period with too many (now) adults cooped up in one spot gives way to simmering tensions, clashes of personalities and awkward power struggles.

So what if you were given a choice – a guilt and consequence free option – of who to wear your Christmas hat with as you munch on your turkey and ham?

And given that such an opportunity is completely unrealistic, let’s take it one step further and make the possible selection a list of fictional characters.

It will make that parallel world Christmas dinner all the more enjoyable...

1. Hercule Poirot

Yes I have watched the final episode of the long-running show – but as I alluded to above, anything is possible here.  Imagine the massaging of the ‘leetle grey cells’ you would do with the pint-sized Belgian detective. Not to mention the amount of ‘the peeping through the keyholes’.  I would happily adopt hapless Hastings’ role if Poirot was my dinner companion. 

2. Father Jack

In case you get a longing for the family fold in this alternate universe, the wayward priest can help you feel a little more at home. Swigging booze on the armchair and getting one-word monosyllabic answers to questions sounds like a traditional Irish family Crimbo to me.

3. Stringer Bell

The successor as leader of the Barksdale empire in The Wire, I might lock away the presents from this business-savvy criminal but would always have a place for him at the table.  Not into violence where he can help it – and pretty once he keeps up the American accent. 

4. Jessica Fletcher

Oh Jess... This invitation is one that could actually work in reality. Not only does she have an abode in Ireland, we also have a rake of similar interests! Cycling on a bike with a basket, a penchant for old-school typewriters, an ability to laugh heartily after horrible things happen... Soulmates. 

5. Dana Scully

Spending a good deal of time trying to take apart my dad’s conspiracy theories, myself and Dana could bond over her putting up with Mulder all those years in the X-files. (The fact that Gillian Anderson was the ultimate power woman in The Fall also helps.)

6. Driver

Drive’s Ryan Gosling is so awesome he doesn’t even need a name. He also doesn’t speak very much so that would be a welcome change on Christmas Day (sorry Mam!). But boy does he look great in his bomber jacket. I might have to install a lift for this potential occasion to re-enact ‘that’ scene. 

7. Hank Schrader

For me, dear Hank was the winning package in the massively popular Breaking Bad. If the dinner burned or if you got him the wrong pressi on the day, it wouldn’t matter. You could just bond and feel superior in the world as you necked a few of his home-made brews.

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