Sex is not rocket science – thankfully. This means that you can always improve things and that it can always be a learning curve.
And ideally you should never stop advancing your skills. There are easy and immediate ways that you can spice up your sex life and no, they don’t necessarily involve starting a poll dancing class or attending an Ann Summers party.
1. Dress for sex – always
There’s an argument to be made that Spanx has ruined the sex lives of an entire generation of women. While Hugh Grant discovering Renee Zellwegger’s giant granny pants in the Bridget Jones film was pure comic genius, it also struck a chord with many women. Never wear any undergarment you’d be embarrassed to be caught out in. Nice underwear – think silk – or even nothing will get you in the mood.
2. Learn to like yourself naked
A poor body image is bad news for sex. If your bedroom antics centre around the lights always being out, strategically covering problem areas or leaving as many clothes on as you possibly can, it means that you’re completely distracted from the task in hand. Although we’re bombarded with images of perfect bodies in the media, the next time you go to the gym, look around and appreciate that in the real world, the perfect body doesn’t exist. Don’t think about whatever part of your body you’re worried about and remember, that if someone wants to have sex with you, he certainly isn’t focusing on it.
3. Make the first move
There’s very little as attractive as feeling desired. Yet whether you’re part of a couple or in a new relationship, there’s also a certain reluctance on women’s side to be the instigator of sex, because they feel too self conscious or shy or feel that they might be perceived as being too forward. But just do it. It’s flattering to him and presuming it’s what you want, why hold back?
4. Plan for sex
If you are lying there wondering if there is enough water in the hot tank for your shower the next day or whether to buy your dinner in Tesco or M & S the following day, this is clearly not good. But more often than not, this is not because the sex is boring or you’re just not interested; it’s because modern life is so horribly frenetic and fast paced that sex becomes another thing on your ‘To do’ list, to be scheduled in and then ticked off. Take a half day off work and plan to spend it the bedroom. Or organise a weekend away. When you know you have time to enjoy it, or it is top of the agenda, the idea of the act of sex becomes a lot more fun.
5. Do it differently
Trying new positions sounds like a very obvious one, which it is, but it also works. If you’ve been in a relationship for a good while, the temptation is to stick to the tried and tested. There’s nothing wrong with this of course. It works, which is why you do it. But it trying to do it another way, or in a variety of ways could bring new discoveries and it will be a hell of a lot more exciting.
6. Talk about it
Again, obvious but necessary. There are couples who might have been having sex for years, but who do not discuss the finer details. If you feel that discussing what exactly you would like might seem like a slur on your partner’s performance – and you’re afraid of what you might hear about yours - try not to be. Talking about sexual fantasies or what you would like to happen in bed isn’t just good for the physical aspect; it’s also good for communication and levels of intimacy.
7. Ramp up the foreplay
No cutting to the main event please. Foreplay is hugely important for arousal levels, mentally as much as physically. And this doesn’t have to mean the usually recommended 15 minutes before hand. You can start much earlier in the day by means of a suggestive text. Revealing photos are probably not the best idea if he’s in work.
8. Get out of the house
Familiarity breeds contempt. Perhaps not in terms of your partner but certainly in terms of looking at the same four walls. If you have a certain pattern when it comes to sex, it’s time to break out of the routine. Even if you can’t slope off to a hotel for the weekend, plan a seductive dinner in an unfamiliar restaurant, where you can almost pretend to be somewhere else. Of course, different actual locations are always exciting. Just bear public decency and your neighbours in mind.
9. Have a glass of vino
It’s a scientific fact that women who have a glass of wine have more fun in the bedroom. A recent study conducted in Tuscany (where else) found that women who drank one to two glasses of wine a day had more fulfilling sex lives. Note: the study said glass, not bottle of wine. Nobody likes a slurring woman who falls over the nightstand as she tries to unhook her bra inelegantly.
10. Have a quickie
No, this is not a contradiction of point number 4, which is to plan for sex. Rather it’s a call to spontaneity. There’s no reason why sex has to happen at bedtime or in the bedroom. It sex becomes something that’s a possibility at any time and takes on an element of unpredictability, it becomes very exciting. Also, a quickie is a much better way of spending your lunch hour than queuing for a sandwich in Spar.