Ever since his primetime TV debut on Pop Idol, Simon Cowell has been a steady figure of fashion ridicule, from his stratospherically high-waisted trousers, to his penchant for a moob-hugging T-shirt.
Russell Brand commits every imaginable crime to fashion (in one outfit)But the ensemble the millionaire music mogul touted at the first day of Britain's Got Talent auditions yesterday really took the sartorial biscuit.
The Eighties aviators (it was a freezing, grey day in Cardiff) and snug v-neck (a knitted, wintery take on said moob-hugger), were standard issue. But the finishing flourishes to Cowell's outfit really took the term 'fashion lowpoint' to unchartered depths.
First, the oversized Crombie-style overcoat which ostensibly gave him the look of a puffed-up nightclub bouncer, until you realise that he is about 5 ft tall, giving him instead the look of a heavy set 12-year-old playing a nightclub bouncer in Bugsy Malone.
Next, the pointy shoes/boots. I've said it before and I'll say it again - Simon, with your enormous upper torso and huge head, those pointy shoes are making you wither away to nothing, giving the effect of a genie popping out of a lamp. Seriously Simon, pointy shoes are an absolute no-no in 2013. Actually, they've always been a no-no for men…
But the piece de résistance here are his 'trendy' jeans. Bad enough that they're stonewashed, baggy and bootcut, Cowell adds insult to injury by having the hems sweep the floor (no doubt to disguise the Cuban heels on his pointy shoes/boots), then, because the hem at the back has been trampled and torn, he's actually had the holes PATCHED UP!
Surely when you only ever wear the same outfit day after miserable day, year after unfashionable year, you have more than one of everything. Surely when you're the smuggest millionaire music mogul who ever walked the earth, whose pupils might actually be turning into dollar signs, you can splash out on a new pair of jeans from time to time?
Actually, scratch that. How about splashing out on a stylist