Oscar nominees left disappointed at next weekend's star-studded ceremony will be comforted by a lavish goodie bag, valued at close to $80,000 (€58,000).
The contents of said bag of treats, revealed by US magazines, include such delights as luxury vodka, fine art, aerial circus lessons and…pepper spray guns (scroll down to see list).
Plenty of pet care products are also thrown in to the mix, along with holiday packages to Hawaii, Las Vegas, Japan and the Canadian Rockies.
The LA-designed hampers also offer weight loss shakes, personal training sessions, hair restoration surgery and even a bizarre procedure that "rejuvenates and enhances the genital tissue of a woman".
Should he lose out on the Best Supporting Actor award, at least Jonah Hill has a consolation prize to look forward to, worth more than he got paid for The Wolf of Wall Street.
Hill accepted the modest sum (Hollywood’s standards, not ours) of $60,000 (€44,000) to shoot Martin Scorsese’s movie because he was so keen for the role.
But what ridiculous gifts will the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Meryl Streep, Matthew McConaughey and Amy Adams enjoy should they miss out in their categories?
Here is the full list:
ARTAS Robotic Hair Transplant surgery
Walk Japan tour
Best of Vegas holiday package
Halo natural pet food (host Ellen DeGeneres is an ambassador and actors can donate the food to an animal charity of their choice)
Rocky Mountaineer train trip
Imanta Mexico holiday package
Dr Charles Runels' O-Shot procedure to enhance sexual response
Steamist home spa system
Koala Landing resort stay in Kauai
Epic pet health therapy
Gizara arts print
Huntley Drive fitness training sessions
Krystal Klear filtered water system
Max Martin shoes
Le Petit Cirque lessons
A house call from respected acupuncturist Heather Lounsbury
Jan Lewis bracelet
Slow watch made in Switzerland
Narrative clip camera
Rouge organic maple syrup
Coolway Go Pro hairdryer
Mace pepper spray guns
Polar Loop activity tracker
M3K beauty products
Horse shampoo for humans
Chocolatines of flavours including 'chocolate-dipped bacon', 'chianti wine with olive' and 'champagne brut with bleu cheese bark'
Knit & Co cable knit mittens
Slimware portion control dinnerware
Betty Jane candies
Blossoms Blends tea
Hydroxycut weight loss products
Dosha herbal tea lollipops
Aviv 613 vodka
Bee Free Honee organic apple honey
Wrag Wrap sustainable gift wrap
Simon's Happy Pet shampoo