Carl Berkeley
Sunday August 08 2004
At the heart of Carl Berkeley's counselling philosophy was something called "unconditional positive regard". And it wasn't reserved for clients: he bathed his friends in it.
Carl's sudden death at the age of 67 has left an unfillable void for those who loved him.
Beautiful, warm, intuitive, smiling, brave, sensitive Carl. None of us can quite believe he is no longer with us.
The mix of people at the parties he hosted hinted at a life of rare colour and variety. From his first job as a clothes designer to later incarnations as jewellery maker, counsellor, psychotherapist and journalist, Carl showed an ability to reinvent himself.
But always at the core was the loyal friend, with the capacity to make you feel utterly special, whatever your age, background or creed.
As he lay in hospital during his last few days, the nurses couldn't understand how one phone call after another kept coming from different women, all claiming to be his best friend.
Carl joined the MA class in Journalism at DCU at the age of 58. Despite sharing a classroom with people barely out of school, he was never the senior citizen.
He blended his journalism with his own deepest interests when he set up and edited the counselling and psychotherapy journal now known as Eisteacht, and when he presented an RTE radio series on Jewish music.
For Carl, work was never something you did just for money. It was about engaging with the world and exploring your humanity.
Carl Berkeley was born in Prestwich, Manchester, on October 16, 1936, into a traditional Jewish family, originally called Berkovitch.
His grandmother had brought Carl's father from Romania, joining relatives there just after the first world war.
After school, he joined his two brothers in the family rainwear business and set up two ladies' dress shops. But everything changed when, aged 32, he decided to go to college. His four years studying psychology in Brunel University in London opened up a whole world of ideas for him.
During the early Seventies he travelled the world, from Switzerland to California, Minneapolis, and Quebec, in what he called his hippie years. In 1976, love brought him to Dublin, the city he adopted as home for the rest of his life.
Carl joined Dublin's Bohemia, selling jewellery from a stall in the Dandelion market and setting up a craft workshop, but all the time, he pursued his interest in the human mind through counselling.
When HIV and Aids first emerged in Dublin, Carl was responsible for innovative group work with HIV-positive gay men at a time nobody else was offering it. He was also a key figure in counselling at the Hirschfield Centre and with the Gay Helpline.
In 1981, he was a founder member, with Odette Thompson, of the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, earning international renown as a trainer, supervisor and practitioner of Carl Roger's People-Centred counselling.
As a friend, he was always supportive, but challenging too. One raised eyebrow and you knew you were in the hazy territory of self-deception, for him the only real sin.
His home in Rathgar was a peaceful oasis and a constant lure for visitors. But you had to be quick to catch him. He'd recently been to China, Sweden and Lapland, and he had plans to visit Tibet and India.
His Jewish identity was very important to him and he was humbled by the fact that not all of his extended family had escaped the horrors of the Holocaust. Israel was an annual trip even when the bombings were at their worst, and his reluctance to miss the wedding, christening or bar mitzvah of anyone close to him also kept him on the road.
As one of his youngest friends said after his death, Carl is in another world now. But we would have loved to keep him in ours.
© GC, AS, SB, SG
