Thanks to the explosion in internet blogging forums, women with fertility problems no longer have to suffer in silence, reports LISA JEWELL

'You all know how it goes - everywhere you look, there's a pregnant belly looking at you," writes Sarah, a 31-year-old Irishwoman who is coping with infertility.

"My sister's 12-week bump is progressing nicely, and protruding more than it bloody should due to the fact that she's a size bloody eight. I've spent more time in Smyths and Mothercare this Christmas than someone with kids of their own would, due to the ever-increasing amount of children my friends and family seem to be creating, and even my bloody boss commented on how strange it was that I haven't yet gone off and procreated. Grrr!! Have to blow off steam!!"!

Like hundreds of other women (and some men), Sarah manages to vent her infertility frustrations through a dedicated website, www.irishinfertility

supportforums.ie. The site offers women a chance to share their stories and lend support to each other.

"Infertility is a very private grief," explains Sarah, who has been trying to get pregnant with her husband for the past two and a half years. "I can use a different name and talk about everything, from the best sexual positions for getting one pregnant to wondering about if this will be 'the month', while listing any imagined pregnancy symptoms!

"I can also vent frustrations about things friends or family members have said which have upset me, without revealing who they or I are.

"I'm not ready yet to tell my family about my infertility, something which is quite common, so the website enables me to talk about what I'm going through, without the fear of being discovered."

The website where Sarah posts messages was set up last summer by Helen Quinn from Limerick. She experienced her own infertility problems for eight years and underwent several treatments. She and her husband Tony went on to conceive a baby, Rowena, who was born in January 2006.

But Helen remembered the feelings she'd gone through previously and decided to set up a website forum for other women.

"There really wasn't very much out there for couples dealing with infertility," she says. "People dealing with infertility don't necessarily want to come out in the open about what they're going through, so a forum allows people to adopt a persona if they want and reveal as much or as little as they want about themselves."

At the time she went through infertility treatment, Helen briefly kept a diary but it didn't encompass her whole experience. She did have a sort of confessional, however, as she took part in an RTE documentary, Making Babies, that followed the journeys of couples dealing with infertility.

"I regret in a way that I didn't keep a full diary but, to be honest, the feelings of that time never really leave you," she says, filling up with emotion.

"It's an intense and isolating experience. Because we're a family-based society, it's hard for society in general to understand what it's like to be an infertile couple. Things are changing slightly but there are still insensitive comments that can really hurt."

Being able to share opinions and advice, all under anonymous names, allows users of the site to be more frank than they would otherwise be in everyday life.

"Anonymity is a deal-breaker for me," says Katie, who is in her mid-30s. "No anonymity, no posting by me."

Katie and her husband have been married for 12 years.

"We would have welcomed a child at any stage of our marriage but we've only been actively trying to conceive for five years. I have endometriosis and my husband has low sperm motility."

They've had three attempts at IVF - one failed, one was cancelled and the other attempt was successful but sadly ended in a miscarriage at 13 weeks.

Katie says it can be difficult to talk to friends and family about infertility.

"Generally, I don't talk to anyone in the real world about our infertility. It's not that I don't think I can talk to them, but I don't want people feeling sorry for me or giving me 'advice'.

"People who haven't experienced what you are going through in life are not the people to talk to; they cannot comprehend what you are going through and feel they have to express an opinion.

"I don't think that is limited to infertility or miscarriage, there are so many aspects of life where people who don't have a clue feel they have to say or do something and invariably get it wrong. People cannot help themselves and it's not out of malice - just lack of ability to put themselves in the shoes of the person they are talking to."

Fellow website user, Susan, says infertility seems to be one of the last taboos in Ireland.

"The forum is invaluable to me," says the 34-year-old. "I log on daily, if not more. I work with women my own age. They have all had babies in the last year and I listen to 'parental leave, people carriers, creches, baby minders, tiredness etc' all day, and I just think I can log on and see how all the girls are doing.

"When someone is going through a cycle and doing a pregnancy test, I am so nervous all day for them. I feel it's a place I can go where people understand because they're going through it too."

A growing number of women are keeping blogs (online journals) about their infertility struggles. They're particularly popular in the States with blogs entitled 'Life in the Stirrups' and 'A Little Pregnant'.

Larisa Bourgeois, from Austin, Texas, writes a blog called 'The Waiting Womb'. It charts her and her husband Jason's fertility treatment attempts and the disappointment that comes with each negative pregnancy test.

"It's a place to write my hopes, dreams and darkest thoughts," says the 30-year-old. "It's also a good place for me to work out what we are doing next, what I'm feeling and how I'm coping."

Larisa's blog contains a good deal of information on the medical aspects of her treatment. She says she was initially embarrassed about the things that went wrong and what she and Jason had to go through.

"That gradually changed. I think I made a decision that the people in my life do need to know what a struggle this has been for us. And I got over being embarrassed. Now I'll talk to anyone and everyone about it - if I can help another woman not feel so alone, that's a great result of me talking about this."

Blogs like Larisa's are also catching on here. One woman in her 30s, who goes by the name of Penguin, chronicles her fertility treatment on the site set up by Helen Quinn.

Her husband (who, you've guessed it, goes by Mr Penguin on the site) sometimes writes in the online journal about how he's feeling.

He says women's experience of infertility is far more invasive in terms of doctors, testing and medical examinations. But nonetheless, men are also affected by the stresses of trying to conceive.

"Given the strains upon marriages that trying to conceive can involve, and the predominance of women discussing it on online forums, I've endeavoured to give a bit more of the male perspective on things," he says. "And do say in a way that others can see and read, and try to use to relate to their own situations."

Naturally, people move on from infertility forums. The reasons may be that they manage to conceive, or they choose to adopt children, or they realise that life will unfortunately not bring them children.

Larisa Bourgeois says she is usually thrilled to hear that someone has fallen pregnant.

"But I do feel sad for myself at the same time," she confides. "No one deserves this [infertility] and we all deserve to escape it. But it is hard when it's never you."

Some names have been changed