iSpy: And they say they don't take offence
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Really, just when you think people can't get any more thin- skinned, stupid and prickly, you forget that God invented Scousers.
This column recently pointed out, quite reasonably, that Liverpool's self-mythologising, sense of permanent victimhood, and quite nauseating self-regard made it undoubtedly the most irritating city in Europe. And guess what? Liverpool natives and Liverpool fans alike were outraged at...being accused of being easily outraged.
Among the slew of emails which came in - ranging from the upset to the completely mental - were some gems, which rather proved the point of the original piece.
Amidst the dire warnings of boycotts, physical revenge and general sense of an institutionalised persecution complex - all the trademarks of the professional Scouser - some of the sentiments included: "I am disgusted by Ian O'Doherty's bigoted/racist comments about the people of Cork and Liverpool in Tuesday's edition of the Independent..." "Some might consider it racist..."
"These comments are certainly prejudice and are bordering on a form of racism and, although you may dismiss this because one cannot label a region a race, I must remind you that Merseyside has almost 1 million people living within, thus that is nearly one million people prejudged. Although I personally will never read your newspaper again, I would appreciate a reply."
But what is really repugnant is the number of mails which mentioned Hillsborough, despite the fact that Hillsborough - the one real human tragedy which shocked not Liverpool but anyone who loves football - was never mentioned in the piece.
Still, it's all part of the mosaic of self-pity, eh?
Although, coming from a city where the book of condolences for Ken Bigley was actually stolen, who cares what they think?
Elton's a threat to the world, y'know
Like a good wine, Elton John just gets funnier as he gets older. And it seems he doesn't even have to make spectacularly bitchy comments to get people irate.
The latest to be outraged by The Elt is the Union of Orthodox Ukrainians who are protesting his planned gigs there, saying: "Orthodox people have no respect to people with untraditional sexual orientation, including Elton John because such people are directly associated with HIV/AIDS."
The spokesman then explained how: "All normal countries, including Russia, do their best to ban such events as gay pride parades and other congregations of people of untraditional sexual orientation because they destruct the society. If all people in the world become homosexuals, mankind will become extinct."
Well, that might be true. But just think how fabulous we'd all be in the meantime.
Carbon what now?
It seems we all have to fall in line with the new consensus and buy tickets to rise on the same bandwagon.
This new consensus is in favour of aid to Africa, Fair Trade, and making fatuous announcements about that ludicrous recent invention, the "carbon footprint."
Two examples of this arrived with a smug swish into our inbox yesterday.
One email, launching the Hard Working Class Heroes festival, proudly announced that: "In the interest of our carbon footprint, please consider this your invite."
Tragically, in a fit of irrational pique, this column printed out a hundred copies of the email and then burned them all. So where's your carbon footprint now, lads?
In another example of delightful silliness, an invitation for a forthcoming beer festival (in fairness they had me at 'beer') boasts: "The menu offers over 30 beers from 13 countries, each served in their own unique glass or, in the case of the Fair Trade beer, wooden bowl."
Um, isn't that just the slightest bit patronising? Hey - it's the Fair Trade way!
Red Ken strikes again
That loathsome troll - no, not the Dalai Lama - Ken Livingstone is using his position as Mayor of London to force his city to host a celebration of the 50th anniversary of the Cuban revolution.
Expected events include the imprisonment of journalists who say unpopular things, the beating to death of gay people and the routine suppression of opposition voices.
It's going to be gas.
Evict them all . . . evict them now
Ah for God's sake.
Running scared after the ludicrous 'Celebrity Big Brother' racism row, Channel 4 and Endemol have tried to convince the rest of us that they are really, like, really totally concerned with protecting the rest of us from unpopular views.
They have proved this with yesterday's decision to kick contestant Emily off the show for using the word 'nigger' in relation to black contestant Charley. Of course, the fact that Emily was actually just trying to ingratiate herself with Charley, and was using the phrase in the context of its popular colloquialism rather than as a racial slur, is a distinction too subtle for the organisers.
By last night, there had been a predictable flurry of righteous indignation, but will someone answer this: are we to ban records by Niggers With Attitude? Is the phrase 'are you my nigger' now offensive?
And what would have happened if Charley has called Emily a honky? Or a wigger?
