I-Spy: A first for the Indo - anyone for panda porn?
Friday November 17 2006
So, how about this heart-warming story?
A Thai zoo, which has hosted a pair of lethargic pandas for the last four years, has finally lost patience with the couple and has decided to play panda porn videos - documentary footage of other pandas doing the wild thing - for the male next month in an attempt to encourage them to breed.
This is absolutely outrageous and an obvious and callous affront to the dignity of the two pandas.
After all, who is to know that the female panda doesn't fancy watching a bit of filth to get her in the mood.
Speaking from personal exp... (Don't you dare! Mrs ISpy)
Better late late than never Sunday World reporter Eamon Dillon probably knew he was going to receive some negative blow-back when he wrote his excellent book, The Outsiders: Exposing The Secret World Of Irish Travellers.
Inevitably, he has been accused of being - shock! - 'insensitive' and - gasp! - 'racist' for simply pointing out the criminality, indolence and refusal to take collective responsibility (while still claiming collective victimhood) which is the mark of sections of the Irish Traveller community.
Interestingly, Dillon is on The Late Late tonight and the producers privately admit that they are having problems getting the usually vocal spokespeople from the Travelling community to appear on the show, while some researchers have even received some, shall we say, negative phone calls in advance of tonight's item. Still, the piece won't be as divisive as the Travelling community seem to fear. After all, yours truly is also on the panel to spread some of the customary tolerance and understanding which has become the by-word of this column.
Islamic attacks on...the Drogs? It seems poor Drogheda United just can't catch a break.
Arthur Mathews' favourite club has abandoned its plans to attend this month's prestigious football conference, Soccerex, in the United Arab Emirates after its general manager was refused entrance to Dubai. The reason?
Well, Drogs general manager Ophir Zardok is Israeli and is therefore refused permission to travel to any of the Emirates.
Says Zardok: "In the beginning they told me 'no problem' - but a few weeks ago I got a note saying 'you're Israeli, you're not welcome'.
"Please God, I'll be able to go next year."
Please God?
Sounds like the man has spent too much time in Louth.
Knights of the round table Two self-acclaimed Jedi Knights want their faith to be formally recognised.
Umada and Yunyun - also known as John Wilkinson and Charlotte Law - want the United Nations to acknowledge that the way of the Jedi is worthy of being called a religion. It comes after 400,000 people recorded it as their faith in the 2001 British Census.
The couple say: "For the last 10 years, the United Nations has marked the International Day of Tolerance. While we support this important work, we feel the UN needs to move with the times. Like the UN, the Jedi Knights are peacekeepers and we feel we have the basic right to express our religion through wearing our robes, and to be recognised by the national and international community."
Ah, I can see it now - UN peacekeepers with light sabres battling the Janjaweed in Darfur.
Although tragically, I should declare an interest.
On the last Irish census, I classified myself as a Jedi when filling out the box marked religion. I think drink may been involved.
Finally, the campaign of intimidation worked
Break out the bunting, crack open the champagne and crank up those punk records - Katie Melua is giving up music. Sort of.
According to digitalspy.co.uk, Melua has decided to break from music to concentrate on her studies. The singer wants to go to university, and says: "I am a bit split between English literature, history and physics. English because I love reading, history because I have always been interested in politics, and physics because it is the subject which comes closest to explaining the world."
Look, love, we don't care what you study, just so long as you stop making those appalling dreary records, okay?
