Wednesday 26 November 2014

Having a gay old time on Ray's show

Published 21/04/2006 | 00:11

There are times when you just have to accept that the Fates are against you. Take Des Bishop, for instance. Last week the New York comic was accused of being insensitive to the mentally challenged after he insulted a heckler who happened to be, yup, you've guessed it, mentally challenged.

There are times when you just have to accept that the Fates are against you.

Take Des Bishop, for instance.

Last week the New York comic was accused of being insensitive to the mentally challenged after he insulted a heckler who happened to be, yup, you've guessed it, mentally challenged.

Then, while talking to Ray Darcy on his Today FM show (a decent enough programme, although it is let down by that gobshite they allow on every Tuesday), he happened to make a passing reference to Derek Mooney's apparent sexuality.

According to the report, Des Bishop cast some sort of aspersion towards Mooney, apparently alleging that the broadcaster might be gay.

There has been a predictable flurry of protest about the alleged outing.

But once more, ISpy gets to settle the score. And I can say this officially - I know Des Bishop. I know Ray Darcy. I know Derek Mooney.

And, frankly, they're all a bit gay.

The Nick and Jessica story . . . again Here we go. Anyone who ever watched the terrible spectacle that was MTV's Newlyweds is probably still laughing after the break-up of the featured pair, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.

To make things ever better, Nick said yesterday: "We chose as a couple to ignore it (the cheating)... on both sides. I chose to trust. No discussion about it. Don't know if there were other men. But if she did cheat, it was the result of something bigger. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had just walked in the house and found her in bed with a guy."

In fairness to Nick, he must be the first man in the world who has ever suggested that walking in on your missus while she's sleeping with someone else "would be easier."

'The Vagina Monologues' - book now Lads - begin to panic now.

Apparently, The Vagina Monologues has had a change of line-up. According to the press release: "Anne Charleston, Kylie's mum Madge of Neighbours fame has been added to the line-up for the penultimate week of The Vagina Monologues at Spirit."

Seriously, does anyone on the face of this planet ever want to see bloody Madge from Neighbours talking about her unmentionable bits?

Honestly, it would be like listening to your mum talking about periods.

Dear Prudence... greet the brand new day Perhaps the most famous agony column of all time - and Beatles fans may remember the title as well, although I'm more a fan of the Siouxsie version - Dear Prudence appears on the web every Thursday.

But while it used to be a column about manners, it has recently been taken over by the complaints of the weak.

One of the weaklings in yesterday' column said: "Every time my mom and I meet new people or she introduces me to her friends, she points out some flaw in my appearance.

"I have round, slightly protruding eyes in a round face, so I hear a lot about cow eyes and a moon face. My out-of-proportion figure and acne scars are also favourite targets, as is the way I dress."

Frankly, luv, it's not an agony aunt you need, it's a plastic surgeon.

Hey, it's their culture, innit? Fair play to dem lads wot have been defending Iran against America's increasingly bellicose rhetoric.

According to the likes of Noam Chomsky and the motley band of appeasers and cowards who admire him, Iran has as much right to pursue a nuclear arsenal as proper countries like Israel and the United States.

So just in case you're in any doubt about whether this bunch of savages should have a bomb, have a gander at this: "From today, police in Tehran will be under orders to arrest women failing to conform to the regime's definition of Islamic morals by wearing loose-fitting hijabs, tight jackets and shortened trousers exposing skin.

"Offenders could be punished with IRR30 fines or two months in jail. Officers will also be authorised to confront men with outlandish hairstyles and people walking pet dogs, an activity long denounced as un-Islamic by the religious rulers."

So, you see, it's not even women that are against Islamic law - it's walking your dog, as well. And you think these people should have a bomb?

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