Flirting with disaster
It's the Christmas party and John from accounts and Maureen from human resources are dancing together in a nightclub somewhere in the city centre.
At the office table near the dance floor, Pauline and Marcus from personnel have spent the last hour talking alone, while the rest of their colleagues cheerfully give out about management, in line with the Christmas spirit.
Pauline's friend Pamela has just returned to the office table, and introduces herself to account executive George who is sitting alone, staring at his shoelaces.
He mutters "Hello, I'm George," before returning to his shoes which he bought for the party. George has fancied Pamela for a while now, often wondering if he should ask her out. He's only briefly exchanged hellos with her in the corridor but this could be a good opportunity to change all that.
What should he say? he wonders. Something. Anything. Panic sets in. She sighs, asks him does he want a drink and wanders off. The moment has gone.
But luckily for George, there's a course that can change all that. The Art of Charisma, run by psychologist Owen Fitzpatrick, helps people overcome their inhibitions to master the art of conversation, helping their flirting skills beyond measure.
And according to female sources, we need all the help we can get.
Irishmen, apparently, are no good at flirting. The first stages of most relationships, a reliable source reveals, are spent being slagged off and shoved around. The Irish man's way of winning girls over.
"Irish men are no good at flirting, because they don't know how to talk to women as women," one former UCD student (now a married woman) says.
"They usually end up pushing you or something. Men tend to slag each other off - and they do the same when flirting. Slagging is flirting in Ireland."
Maybe Irishmen need a little help: they should watch the French in action. The best in the business, they're not afraid to give a smile or pass a compliment and indulge in a bit of harmless flirting.
Irish men do flirt - its just that many of them do so with the help of Dutch courage. Nightclubs, pubs and parties are full of guys chatting and flirting with members of the opposite sex, but everyone always knows people that don't get involved in the courtship ritual.
But can it be learned? Can shy, retiring types teach themselves to flirt? What's the key to successful flirting, with perhaps an eye to something else.
Owen Fitzpatrick says it's all about overcoming shyness and/or low self-esteem. Some take his course to find out how best to express themselves. For many, the flirting syllabus plays a big part.
Owen bases his methodology on Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP), and, although there's science involved, it's pretty much basic motivational techniques.
Some men, he says, are self-programmed into thinking "that girl's too good-looking for me", and argue with themselves over what they should say. When they eventually shows their hand, they're a shaking, sweating mess running their words into each other. Generally the girl walks away.
The potential flirter "gets rejected before they get rejected", he says. But if you voice these criticisms to yourself in a funny way, your brain won't take them seriously. And even if the funny voices don't work, you tell yourself to shut up.
Owen describes the process as "taking away the negative energy from the self-criticism".
So, instead of telling yourself "I'm not good-looking enough for Blondie in the poncho over there" or "she's too feisty for me", the trick is to say "I've a fabulous personality, I'm really funny and witty and charming and clever and handsome".
But beware the words of Oscar Wilde: "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." Don't come across as if your own love affair began in the womb.
So the trick is to have a positive attitude and be confident, but not overly so. The right line will come, and don't build the girl up inside your head too much. If she says 'no' it'll be much harder to take. "You've got to deal with rejection," Owen says. "Reject rejection."
But is it that easy?
How to get that pulling-powers
* Dressing well; not building girls up too much; being confident, and ignoring self-doubt are among the keys to a successful flirt.
And, according to psychologist Owen Fitzpatrick, it's also about paying compliments just for the hell of it.
If you admire some brunette's coat, haircut, jumper or whatever, why not say so? What is there to lose?
The worst that will happen, he says, is being told to hop it (although chances are she'll probably quite like the compliment). But even if this happens you won't care, because you're a player.
"It's about getting over the fears inside your head. It's not about the right line, it's about the attitude and that you're confident," he tells clients on his Art of Charisma course.
"The right line could be hello - it's the way you say it. If it's said playfully and confidently they're much more likely to respond.
"The guys who see a person as girlfriend material build it up in their minds, so if she says no it's much harder to take."
And don't sell yourself short. She has to deserve you. "Talk intensely, then look away. She has to keep working hard to keep you interested."
