Sunday 25 September 2016

10 things everyone hates about weddings (but no one will admit)

Published 10/03/2016 | 13:41

Wedding guests toasting with champagne during wedding reception in garden
Wedding guests toasting with champagne during wedding reception in garden
Side view of young woman in wedding dress confused while selecting footwear

Let's face it, you've all thought about it at one time or another.

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1. The fact that they are all the same. Yes, even yours.

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Let’s face it, even the most ‘unique’ weddings are technically governed by the same general principles - two people in love bringing their families and friends together for a celebration, being topped off with some bad and/or frankly dangerous dance moves. Unless some soap opera style drama unfolds mid-ceremony, there is a whiff of Groundhog Day about the entire occasion. 

2. Being a bridesmaid.

No matter how much you love the bride, how close you are and how amazing it was to be asked to fulfil this very special role. should the proverbial hit the fan on the big day, the very last place you want to be is in the bridal party. Not to mention the fact that you have to wear whatever the bride tells you to and look happy about it.

3. Bride/groomzillas.

Pressure does strange things to people - even the most calm and collected individuals can erupt into passive aggressive maniacs in the run up to their wedding day, which is why it’s always best to placate said beast by being on time to fittings and other appointments, pretending (at the very least) to get excited about the minute details of their bouquet and nodding. Lots of nodding.

4. The waiting around.

No matter how well planned a wedding day is, there is bound to be some waiting around for guests. From awaiting the arrival of the bride for the ceremony to that window post-ceremony often euphemised as ‘the drinks reception.’

5. Long/cheesy/try-hard speeches.

Nothing sets hungry guests more on edge than a best man not known for his oration prowess standing up and whipping out three foolscap pages of ‘hilarious’ puns.

6. The seating arrangements [or lack thereof].

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We get it, seating plans are generally done in the last couple of weeks before the big day when couples are close to imploding, but most guests don’t likes to be hemmed in by strangers, boring work colleagues or needy exes, no matter how much they might have in common. But the only thing worse that a careless seating plan is the dreaded no seating plan! Cue the stampede...

7. Choreographed first dance routines.

Of course we will all smile and clap and appear to join in with the merriment, but really - from the moment you perform your very first slut drop- we are dying inside just a little.

8. OTT dinner reveals.

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The particularly passé sight of eight waiters marching in to trumpets, to reveal the top table’s main courses in one exaggerated and perfectly co-ordinated movement is never an enjoyable moment for anyone. Just no.

9. The fact that they seem to never end.

What is better than a few pre-wedding drinks with the happy couple? Post-wedding drinks of course! Regardless of the fact that unlike the members of the actual bridal party, you do not have the entire week to booze and snooze away.

10. Having to give a present.

Generally, if a bride and groom plan to marry abroad they’ll invoke that lovely little tagline “Your presence is our present,” as they’ll have taken into account their guests travel expenses. However, the same does not apply to weddings on home soil, no matter how much you’ve had to spend on your dress, tan, nails and hair to get prepped for their big day.

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