Sinead Ryan: Oh, Vernon - what on earth were you thinking? Second sexting scandal is truly unforgiveable
Published 01/04/2016 | 14:34
Every so often a story comes along that fits neatly under the heading: "What Did You Think Would Happen?"
It's usually reserved for some idiot trying to wash their dog in the Zanussi, or flinging themselves headlong out of a window onto a trampoline, and can generally be expected to be a bit hilarious.
Nobody likes to have a laugh at someone else's relationship, (although all bets will be off if the Vladimir Putin/Wendy Deng story pans out), but your gob would be smacked listening to TV presenter Vernon Kay's drivel over his messaging a, ahem, glamour model, after a newspaper, and more importantly, his wife, found out about it.
"I recognise how it may look," he said with understatement equivalent to calling the Second World War a bit of a skirmish. "There was never any inappropriate intent", he added.
No, well, when someone you were already caught having a highly inappropriate sexting relationship with six years ago suddenly contacts you "out of the blue" (according to the astoundingly reckless Mr Kay), what is a well brought up gentleman to do?
Naturally he can't be rude and tell her to go away, have a nice life and perhaps put on some clothes; the natural response is to arrange a meeting with her in a hotel bedroom. To chat things through. "Clear up some questions," he says. From six years ago. As you do.
The lady in question, 29-year-old Rhian Sugden - herself engaged to a chap from Corrie who had an affair with co-star Kym Marsh before her divorce (do keep up) - didn't appear a bit bewildered by Vernon's suggestion, even if the 'meeting' didn't go ahead in the end.
Am I being too hard on old Vernon? Look, anyone can answer a quick text without thinking. We've all done it, usually at the Christmas party with a few jars on board when it seems like a terrific idea to tell the boss to stick his job up his balance sheet.
Vernon, on the other hand, has a bit more experience at this sort of thing than the rest of us. Back in 2010 when the original story broke (yes, I know; stay awake in the back), there were no fewer than four women our Vernon was putting it about with ... at least by text. Let's hope he had all-you-can-eat data or it would have been costing him a fortune, what with all those kissy, huggy emoticons.
Wife Tess Daly (who Strictly should have done a quick two-step as far away from him as she could get), forgave him and took him back on that occasion. Many a wife has done the same - especially for the sake of the kids, in this case, two cute little girls - and it took guts and more than a dose of mortification on her part.
But this time, we'll see. Nobody would blame her for battening down the hatches on their mock Tudor home, stinging him for everything he's worth and finding herself someone decent chap who'll appreciate her incredibly tolerant personality, mega talent and drop dead gorgeous looks. It might happen quicker than she thinks.
In the meantime, the dubious trio's social media accounts will be analysed, everyone will be papped from here to kingdom come and the only one who can hope to come out of it well is the protein pill brand Ms Sugden manages to regularly squeeze in between her assets on her Twitter and Instagram accounts.
Through it all, women will feel sorry for Tess and hate Vernon (for a bit). But their kids will get humiliated in school, his wife will be devastated and the story will have a half-life on the internet and that, Mr Kay, is truly unforgivable.