Wednesday 28 September 2016

Sick of the K word? What is a ‘Kardashian Cleanse’ and how can I get involved

Published 14/08/2015 | 13:19

Photo: Instagram @KhloeKardashian
Photo: Instagram @KhloeKardashian

Sure, a three day juice detox is difficult, but I’m proposing another kind of cleansing ritual.

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Technically speaking, detoxing does not exist. The concept of removing toxins or ‘nasties’ from your system is essentially null and void.

According to leading dietary and nutrition experts, it is impossible to flush your system of impurities and remove all the harmful chemicals that your body has accumulated. The commonly marketed ‘detox programme’ merely floods your system with nutrients and vitamins which promote health and vitality, as the concept that you can flush all the 'badness' out is unfortunately one of the most lucrative areas of the health industry.

Ideally, for a healthy body - you simply wouldn’t put these damaging and toxic materials into your body.

Photo: Instagram @KimKardashian
Photo: Instagram @KimKardashian

Similarly, the average news reader who complains about the amount of column inches devoted to ‘non celebrities’ such as America’s most (in)famous family would do well not taking in the information in the first place.

On any given day, millions of words, gossip, hearsay and slander involving Kim, Kris, Khloe, Kourtney, Kendall, Kylie et al circulates the Internet - and it can be all generated by one of them putting a selfie on their Instagram feed or publishing an ambiguous and contrived tweet or status.

There is one reason that the Kardashians and Jenners continue to garner so much attention in every corner of the world. Each of them is willing to share every intimate detail of their lives no matter how embarrassing, humiliating, mundane or exciting, and love them or loathe them, but that appeals to our inner voyeur.

In tandem, the media will continue to write and speculate about them as every click counts. Sure some of these clicks are coming from genuine fans, but if you read comments and feedback on many of the articles on major news sites, they are overwhelmingly fraught with bile, negativity and animosity.

Photo: Kourntey Kardashian Instagram
Photo: Kourntey Kardashian Instagram

Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, a man who has made his fame and fortune writing about the trials and tribulations of A listers, has now ironically proposed a week-long ban on reporting about the Kardashian family.

Perez, real name Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr., has called on other media outlets across the world to join him on what he has called a ‘Kardashian Cleanse’.

The television personality, who in fairness has built his career reporting on the personal lives of this very family, wrote on his Twitter account, “Do U ever feel like there’s just TOO MUCH Kardashian news out there?????”

He added that between August 17th and 21st, there would be no news regarding the Kardashians, Jenners or Wests. Just to be clear, he included a gallery to outline every person on the extended family tree that the ban applied to.

Caitlyn Jenner poses with sons Burt, Brandon, Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, North West, Khloe Kardashian and Kendall Jenner
Pic: Caitlyn Jenner/Twitter
Caitlyn Jenner poses with sons Burt, Brandon, Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, North West, Khloe Kardashian and Kendall Jenner Pic: Caitlyn Jenner/Twitter

Earlier this week, a Florida based television anchor stormed off set over a news story that revolved solely around Kylie Jenner getting a new bunny rabbit.

“Nobody cares about this family anymore. It's a non-story. I don't care,”  anchor John Brown cried.

“I’m having a good Friday, so I refuse to talk about the Kardashians,” he insisted as he left the set. “You are on your own, Amy. I can’t do it, I’ve had enough Kardashians! I can’t take any more Kardashian stories on this show!”

Brown isn’t alone in this world - there are plenty of us, myself included, that grit their teeth and roll their eyes when these individuals are brought into conversation.

(L-R) Kris Jenner, Khloe Kardashian, and Kylie Jenner attend the 2015 NBCUniversal Cable Entertainment Upfront at The Jacob K. Javits Convention Center
(L-R) Kris Jenner, Khloe Kardashian, and Kylie Jenner attend the 2015 NBCUniversal Cable Entertainment Upfront at The Jacob K. Javits Convention Center

But the fact of the matter is that most media outlets on the world are not going to stop reporting on the family while they remain such contentious and controversial individuals. That is not the way the media works.

The Kardashians are (somewhat worryingly) representative of a new era: where Instagram pictures can spur an international furore, an increasing obsession with the self and an even greater obsession with being famous for the sake of being famous.

So while most news sites, magazines, blogs and individuals won’t engage in a Kardashian Cleanse, do yourself a favour and detox your brain and body from pouring over their every move and read something more worthwhile.

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