Friday 21 July 2017

Three conversations every couple needs to have before they get married

Rachel Hosie

Some couples who get married not long after meeting say that when you know, you just know.

However, there are undoubtedly issues that should be discussed before rushing into marriage and agreeing to spend your life with someone.

More often than not, they’re not exactly sexy topics, but it’s crucial to tick off certain conversations to make sure you both want the same things from the future and are really compatible.

People on Reddit are now revealing the most important conversations couple should have before getting married.

According to one person, there are three things you really need to agree on:

  • Children
  • Financial priorities
  • Careers

“There's a LOT in there, but if you're not aligned on whether you want kids, how the household finances will be run and what would happen if say, one of you got a massive promotion to another city etc, then you're gonna have a bad time,” they wrote.

Thousands of people in the discussion agreed, with one adding that: “‘Careers’ should include what the plan is once you have kids (if you're going that route).

“If one person has it in their head to be a more stay-at-home parent, it's important to talk about that early on, NOT after the kid is here.”

And in the eyes of many, discussing how you plan to raise your children is paramount, as one person explained:

“My fiancée earns nearly twice what I do, but says she wants to be a stay-at-home mom until the youngest is 10-12 years old.

“Happy to rise to the occasion but can't say I'm not a little bit nervous about working hard enough to at least maintain our current quality of life.”

If both parents want to stay at home, someone will have to compromise, much the same as if both parents want to carry on working. If you discuss this before marrying, you might be able to avoid serious arguments down the line.

And as unsexy as chatting about finances is, asking someone how much debt they have is a really good idea.

“I didn't know that my spouse was 40k in debt (non-college loans) and hadn't filed an income tax for years before we got engaged,” one person explained. “18 years later we are still married but man those first few years sucked and there are still some residual issues.”

And along those lines, you should ask your partner not only how much debt they have but what their financial philosophy is. Do they try and pay for everything with cash? Or are they happy running up credit card debt?

Many people agree that realistically, you should ask your partner as many questions as possible before committing to spend your life together - that’s how you make sure you really know them.

“What if you saw an injured baby deer by the side of the road? What if your father left your mother when she had cancer and your mother was alone? What if you won fifty-thousand dollars? What if we had a four-year-old who poured a glass of milk into your hard drive?”

Although you can never really know how you’d react, situational questions can give you an insight into how your partner will deal with problems and whether you’ll see eye-to-eye.

“Marriage is about a million different compromises. Things that you will never think to ask will come up. Life will f***ing punch you in the stomach sometimes,” one person who’s been married for 22 years explains.

“What you really need to know is: Do you love me? Do you respect me? Will you be there for me? Can I count on you? Will we decide things together or will you try to decide them for me? Can we compromise effectively?

“Are each of us prepared to give more when the other person is only able to give less? But do we promise to give as much as we can?”

Sort it out and you’re more likely to have a life of married bliss

Independent News Service

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