The rules of attraction for guys and gals
Published 13/06/2011 | 05:00
As anybody out there on the scene will tell you, the rules of attraction are as complex as they are confusing.
The great cliché is to "just be yourself". But unless you are Colin Farrell or Scarlett Johansson, you have to, initially at least, project an enhanced, sexier, livelier and more charismatic version of who you really are.
Based on the latest University of British Columbia study, the current best practice appears to be:
You Are Not Trying To Be Their Friend
Approachable and funny is a good place to start. But when you get to the business end of proceedings, you want to project yourself as sexy, a bit mysterious, even a bit unattainable. Admittedly, it's hard to pull this off. But nobody said this was going to be easy.
There Is A Thin Line
A bit of a swagger is good -- whatever they say out loud, girls love a bit of confidence, a guy who will take them in hand and take control. You can take risks, such as saying: "This place is getting a bit boring, let's find somewhere more fun" and standing up in a decisive manner that brooks no argument. But on the other hand, you don't want to be dragging her all over town. Be decisive but don't be aggressive.
Don't Agree With Everything She Says. And Flirt
If you are not a fan of Glee and she is, don't pretend to be on the couch every Wednesday night singing along with New Directions. Tell her you can't STAND the show. But do it in a playful, funny manner that shows you respect her taste in cheesy TV and are prepared to have a bit of a laugh about it.
The number one thing that any guy can do for a girl is just listen. Don't interrupt, don't fidget with your beer mat or sneak a look at the TV. Just listen. Women cannot get enough of it. Seriously.
You may have had bad experiences, you might suspect that all men really are b*****ds. You could be right.
But if you come across as even slightly angry or bitter, most men will run a mile (and the guys who stay are going to be trouble).
Men are simple creatures, bad at reading body language and usually totally unsure as to how they are coming across. Give them the odd smile and they will be hugely encouraged.
Give The Guy A Chance
A lot of Irish men are terrible at making first impressions, often because they have taken too much Dutch courage on board before making their move. If he asks you out for a date, give him a chance (unless he is coming across as a total no-no). You might be pleasantly surprised. And at the very worst, you are going to a get a free bowl of pasta.
Don't Be Too Confident
As the research from Canada has shown, men react badly to what they perceive as over-confidence. If you have a better job than he does, don't make a big deal about it. If the last guy you went out with was an astronaut or an Olympic gymnast, don't mention it. If you are interested in him, you are going to have to massage his ego a bit. It's not fair, it's just how it is.