Thursday 27 July 2017

The good girl's guide to better orgasms . . .

'I train men how to handle a woman better than she ever could herself'

Library Image. Photo: Getty Images
Library Image. Photo: Getty Images
Deirdre Reynolds

Deirdre Reynolds

A flustered Meg Ryan famously faked it in When Harry Met Sally, but now Irish women don't have to.

Promising girls the real thing in just 15 minutes, a new book called Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm could become mandatory reading for boyfriends here.

The earth-moving tome gives a step-by-step guide to the little-known practice of 'Orgasmic Meditation' (OM) -- a sort of bedroom yoga that causes heavy breathing of an entirely different type.

And while we can't go into the nitty gritty here, let's just say it's putting the 'OM-G' back into orgasm.

A former art-gallery owner from California, author Nicole Daedone discovered the female-focused technique after meeting a cute guy at a party over a decade ago.

"He said: 'It's very simple: You'll take your pants off, I'll keep my clothes on. It'll take less than 15 minutes and you don't have to do anything to me in return," she recalls. "Somehow, I ended up saying 'Yes'."

Much more than that, teaching graduate Daedone (43) wound up saying "Yes! Yes! Yes!" to a life of OM.

After quitting her job to study the elusive female orgasm, she set up OneTaste -- a sex-coaching company teaching others how to master the big O too.

"When I started out, I had what I considered a great sex life -- I had plenty of sex and had no problem climaxing," says Daedone.

"What I didn't realise was that the kind of sex I was having was almost like empty calories -- the more I ate, the hungrier I got.

"But after my first experience of OM, I realised: 'Oh my God, this is what it's supposed to be like.'

"It totally blew my mind -- like my whole centre of gravity had been shifted."

"You can't have an experience like that and not share it with others," she adds. "I decided other women had to know about this, so I went and studied with all of these different teachers."

Having notched up almost 10,000 hours of on-the-job experience (nice work, if you can get it), now orgasm instructor Daedone runs two US-based OneTaste centres dedicated to putting a smile on womens' faces via couples coaching and online courses.

And leaving women in a constant state of arousal, she's incredibly claimed her OM method can inspire an 'orgasm' lasting up to four months.

"Most women are not having the sex they want to have," she says. "We want sensation and connection, but most of us are having goal-oriented sex that gets progressively harder and faster -- numbing a woman's most sensitive spot.

"By taking the goal out of the equation, suddenly you experience a new definition of orgasm -- one that multiplies every single tingle, shiver and chill."

"Suddenly, everything looks more vivid and alive all the time."

Despite the name, the goal of Orgasmic Meditation is not just to orgasm however.

Rather, Slow Sex -- the ethos of which borrows from the slow food movement, tantric sex, yoga and even Buddhism -- claims to help women peak in every area of their life, from relationships to finances and work.

"Orgasm is a lifestyle," adds Daedone. "It extends way beyond the practice itself to impact on every part of your life.

"It's my experience that when you have a daily practice, all sorts of amazing things can happen."

But hyped by Hollywood portrayals of fireworks in everything from Barbarella (Jane Fonda in the Excessive Machine) to The Ugly Truth (Katherine Heigl's vibrating undies), is it any wonder that women the world over frequently find the whole thing, well, a bit of an anti-climax?

"It is incredibly challenging to communicate about good, clean, fresh orgasm," agrees Daedone. "Most of the time, people think you're talking about this big, dramatic event with hips thrusting and staring into each other's eyes for hours.

"But if you can get to that place just beyond thought and surrender to the sensation, it's my experience that you can hit the same place with a fraction of the effort."

Revving up for her first on-screen orgasm in Bruce Almighty, even sex-symbol Jennifer Aniston confessed to being intimidated by 'la petit mort', as the French might say.

"The sexual gratification scene, I was terrified," she revealed. "To have an orgasm by yourself without actually doing anything and in front of a bunch of people standing there, and really go for it . . . I got sick that day."

Although there isn't an audience or cameras rolling (usually, at least), crippled by performance anxiety, real women too sometimes resort to Maria Sharapova-style moaning between the sheets.

Whatever about the big screen, faking it in real life only reinforces a vicious cycle of women who are sexually frustrated and men who think the G-spot is a nightclub in Galway, warns Daedone.

"It's devastating that it happens," she says. "But the worst part is that you end up reinforcing the wrong information in a guy.

"You're actually training guys how not to give you pleasure -- they think they're doing great and then we get mad that they seem so dumb."

"The first thing I always tell women is the minute you stop feeling pleasure, stop and redirect him," she advises.

"There's a really simple way to guide your partner without yelling at him, 'Move to the left' or making him feel stupid. Just acknowledge what feels good and give simple, gentle instructions about what feels even better."

After years of misinformation on the mechanics of women however, how will delicately egoed Irish lads take to the 'up-a-bit, down-a-bit' guide to their missus which hits bookshelves here this week?

"Actually, guys usually get it before women," argues Daedone. "I think Irish guys will definitely be open to the idea of OM.

"Usually, men are so sick of feeling confused in that area that by the time they come to me, they're delighted to get some basic instruction.

"Their entire manhood depends on knowing what to do. I train men how to handle a woman better than she could ever handle herself."

Speaking of which, sadly for singletons, OM is not a solo sport.

"It's a touchy subject to say that a woman can't experience this kind of orgasm alone," admits Daedone. "But it's the truth for the simple reason that you cannot take yourself out of control -- you can't tickle yourself, for example."

Stateside, the OM movement has proven especially popular with women in their thirties "who have this feeling like they're missing something", and postmenopausal women who "don't buy that just because they're getting older their sex life has to die".

And though it's been criticised for putting almost exclusive emphasis on women's pleasure (by a man presumably), author Daedone assures that guys who are up for it won't be let down either.

"There's a whole section in the book on how women can enjoy pleasuring their partner," she says. "But I think you have to have a woman who's full with her own orgasm in order to enjoy devouring a man."

If you're still not sold, consider that regular orgasm can also jumpstart the thyroid, lower the stress hormone cortisol and boost oxytocin -- nicknamed 'the cuddle chemical' because it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.

For best results -- medical and otherwise, Daedone recommends 'OM-ing' for 15 minutes every day -- something she practises with her own partner.

"If someone had told me when I was younger that I'd end up writing a book dedicated to female orgasm, I would've said they were crazy," she says.

"My advice to women is just try it -- the worst thing you have to lose is 15 minutes and the best thing you have to gain is the orgasm of your life."

Irish Independent

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