Oh, you dirty rotten swine
The tumultuous sex lives of stars and their parasitic kiss-and-tell hangers-on are never far from the public's hearts and minds, which is why, fresh off the back of the gripping testimony of Ashley Cole's many partners in adultery, it was a matter of serious global interest when Jessica Simpson took the floor on the Oprah Winfrey show to hit back at the egregiously indiscreet and hilariously daft John Mayer.
Beady-eyed followers of the Hollywood dating circuit will know John from his public, though short-lived, outings with a number of female stars including Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Apparently he's multi-talented and also manages to maintain a bit of a music career alongside his vocation as a serial star-seducer. Though clearly he's decided to focus on his better known reputation as a blabber-mouthed playboy.
And what an entrance he made, with his now famous interview with Playboy magazine, in which, ever the gentleman, he dished the dirt on several of his past conquests, though of course, only the famous ones. He was particularly romantic and sweet about Jessica Simpson.
"Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say," he said. Though one imagines that would have been enough. But no, on he continues. "It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f***ing snort you'?"
Amazingly, the ungrateful wench wasn't flattered by his declarations. Or at least, she certainly came over all indignant on Oprah. Poor bewildered Mayer must have been shocked. What could be her problem? What girl wouldn't want her sex life aired in public? Could she have been fretting over, like, her honour, or something? Women can be so contrary. Honestly, you try to pay them a compliment, and they take it all the wrong way.