Style Sex & Relationships

Monday 22 September 2014

Dear Rosanna: Is my husband having an affair?

Published 26/07/2013 | 11:09

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It is normal for sex drive to dip during times of increased stress

MY husband has been avoiding having sex with me since he returned from a business trip abroad six weeks ago.

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At first he said he was tired, then he said he was stressed, and after that he said that he thinks his libido must have taken a dip as he’s just not in the mood lately. He said it’s probably just a phase he’s going through and that he’ll be back in the saddle soon enough. We are both in our early 30s, so I think it’s a bit early for him to be having erection problems.

He is also spending a lot of time on his laptop and phone. Is my husband having an affair, because I swear to God I’ll kill him if I find out he is. We have two young children and are in debt and if he’s cheating I will make his life hell.

IT SOUNDS to me that he is genuinely stressed at work and maybe there is something happening in his job that he hasn't fully explained to you. The stress hormone, cortisol, can have powerful and damaging effects on our bodies, including the dampening down of our sex hormones. So it is normal for sex drive to dip during times of increased stress.

Rather than letting yourself get worried and paranoid based on absolutely no evidence, I advise you speak to him about why he's been spending so much time on his various devices. Maybe offer to help him out if you can and ask him why he has been stressed. You could also focus on ways to improve his libido and your sex life together.

Think about booking a romantic weekend away together without the children or investing in some new lingerie. This is something that will require work from you both, so try to work as a team rather than creating a wall between you and him by convincing yourself that he is having an affair based on no evidence. Try to figure out what he is going through to trigger his flagging libido.

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